Two days ago, you said you were in love with me. “I love how you’ve made me fall so in love with you, that you’re always going to be in my mind no matter what I have/will do” No, I don’t accept the fact that you’re “in love” with me, one reason being, we’re both fourteen, another reason is that there is a difference between loving someone and being in love. If you love someone you love the way the eye’s twinkle when they laugh or the way the brush aside their hair when they’re uncomfortable but
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whenever my mother does loving gestures towards me its weird…its like im expecting her to slap me or punch me…i hit her once but only one time and it was after she hit me, about 2 years ago, and it was over the temperature of DISHWATER. after that it was horrific..she would lock me in a room with her and she would just yell at me… my brother is hurt more than i am and i hate to see him that way. so now i just avoid situations that could cause me to hurt emotionally or act harshly. my dad calls
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I understand him and can accept that he was raised in a different time, and that it’s just who he was raised to be…but it kills me inside. My father would rather me marry an abusive alcoholic white man than a loving and compassionate black man. I fear I will never be able to be happy and find love because I fear disappointing him.
I’m afraid that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. Perhaps some of us are meant to be alone, I feel like one of them. All I’ve ever wanted, was a family of my own, to gain the chance to have a loving wife, and a child that I will never neglect, like my father neglected me. I want a family more than anything, and everyday that passes, I feel more alone, seemingly punished…as I watch a world full of undeserving people throw away their gifts, I only wish I could have a gift of my own. :(
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