My grandfather has recently died. While this is perfectly normal for the whole family (including myself) to grieve for his death, I’ve just now realized…
I HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE FUNERAL. NOT JUST ATTEND.
I hate talking to people, even moreso in public, and even more “even moreso” when all of this public happens to be the family! I’m not good at all at social occasions, and I’m torn between not being at the funeral and everyone in the family thinks I’m a selfish asshole, and actually
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It is truly fascinating that in this new age of social networking I’m willingly strapped to the hip with people I would have otherwise never associated myself with. The worst part is these people poured their hearts out to me in out smokers pit. Things they would not even tell their parents, things that bonded they to me, but not necessarily me to them. I just wanted to skeeze on guys, not fucking talk about emotions and shit. Never the less, i don’t have the heart to delete these people, so
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My anxiety has increased day by day recently. I suffered from low self esteem as a child, my family was very cruel towards me during my childhood. The reasons for the beatings were for menial things, my mother had a hard childhood and I believe she took much of her anger out on her children because of that. I don’t harbor any hatred for her anymore, but I do blame my self esteem issues and social problems a little on my parents.
The anxiety was new to me in middle school, I was quite socially
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