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A Letter to My Dad

Posted 24th August 2013 29

There are certain things that I will never say to you. I know that you are depressed and even though I can’t understand it, I will never say or do anything that might jeopardize your mental health. I will never tell you how much you hurt me. And maybe you don’t even remember, but after that fight I sent you a message saying that I wouldn’t see you again until you stopped drinking. And I didn’t see you for four years. I was thirteen years old, and you chose the bottle over me, for four years. How could you? How could you. They told me that you loved me and would do anything for me. After the earthquakes I didn’t hear from you for three days. I was watching the list of the dead and missing. Do you understand? I didn’t know if you were alive, or if you were dead in a gutter somewhere. I used to have daydreams about phone calls from a hospital, about you dying of cirrhosis, of you coming in to my place of work because they held AA meetings there once a week. And now you’re back in my life and I’m supposed to look after you again, just like when I was a kid. I just. How could you.

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Posted by Anonymous 30th November 2016

Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry. It isn’t your father; it’s a shell of your father, with the bottle having hold of him. One day he’ll quit; he will. Hopefully you’ll have a chance to have a relationship with him at that time. My husband was beat and even hung as a child by his alcoholic father. Just realize that alcoholics are miserable inside. They don’t want to hurt you, they just don’t know how to stop. They can’t do it on their own. But I bet you he loves you. Try to see past his self-sabotage, and just love him for the lost child that he is. Something happened to him when he was young. He tries to cover it up, but he can’t.
Have you staged an intervention? If you don’t know what that is, talk to other family members. They’ll help you get him help.

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