Posted 27th December 2016 1920

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Ever just feel that attraction of someone beyond your grasp .. ?

Its like you are a peasant trying reach the favour of a royal.

Simply just not compatible , when you KNOW, you goddamn well know if circumstances had been different that person would have considered you ..

They are out of your reach, you have been weighed , measured and have been found wanting .

Its not even so much the person , its the class of people , the environment , the travels , the culture, the stories the maturity they have , the freedom , the problems they have , the joys they have , thier sadness , thier worries and anxieties.

I love it all ….

Alas , A pebble wishing to be a diamond should not want for not.

I see and caress the outside of such a world. I envy them so. Watching them slowly , enjoying them , living through them, their prescence breaths life into my absurd existence. Oh you , beautiful people .

My scars and stories frighten you , my experiences disgust you . Existentially and philosophically your lives are a beautiful precious study to me . A bauble of human aspects that is beyond me. Fragile and unfettered.

Live on you . You that single individual from that class of life. I wish i could share it , your life .. their lives .. breath in that air of when you spoke of the freezing cold of canada , montreal and the troubles with snow building on your car.

I hope too much , still it is only just hope. Its a sin .. I know i cannot fulfill it so i shan’t shatter it. I need to be part of your lives in mine. To remind me how it was and could’ve been for me .

Trust is like a fork , not one way or another but many ways and many pronged.

I need that person , to waft that exhaled breath in my direction , to hear your voice refer to me . To hear you call out my name for the trivial .. I’m amazed by you .

How you dress.
How you talk.
Your physique .
Your style.
Your family.
Your rules.
Your religion.
Your pleasures.
Your past relationship.
Your studies.
Your interests.
Your warmth.

Yes .. im not worth your time . But oh glory .. to be in your prescene… you of so far beyond me .

You are far from me .. so far.. i hope i dream of you tonight and remember it the next morning . So i can hold that dream and the memory of your prescence .. to carry me forth to the next time i see you and your mind .. you and yours who at whim move and transcend borders .. like birds of paradise..like angels.

Please let me be the jester in your court . I desire more but need not more.

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