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Baby Drama

Burn

Posted 10th December 2011 3422

My sister-in-law got unexpectedly pregnant about a year and a half ago. She was and is not married or in any kind of steady relationship. She was in no position, financially or maturity-wise, to be having a child, but decided to keep it anyway. The guy she determined to be the father, who was likewise not financially stable enough or mature enough to be having a kid, was oh-so-excited that he was going to “be a daddy”. The in-laws immediately poured out overwhelming support for them, and leading up to the due date, my mother-in-law took SIL shopping and pretty much bought her everything she was going to need: a nice crib, stroller, car-seat, changing table, and a ton of other things. MIL was excited as well, because she was finally going to be a ‘real’ grandma (Father-in-law has three grandchildren via his children from his first marriage).

Fast forward to after the baby was born, and everything is a mess. SIL is on the verge of having to move back in to my in-law’s house because her income combined with the father’s child support is not really enough to keep her afloat. She dropped out of her college classes and doesn’t know when she’s going to be able to pick them back up. She frequently calls her parents and sometimes even my husband (DH), ranting and crying over how stressed out she is.

Before they had the baby, she and the child?s father imagined that once SIL went back to work, they’d be able to get their work schedules lined up so that they would be able to split their time “50/50″ and avoid having to use a commercial daycare by finding friends and family to babysit. Now that SIL’s maternity leave has ended and she?s had to go back to work, that’s all gone down the drain. They’ve ended up having to pay for daycare services, which are not cheap, and have gone from being pretty good friends to fighting all the time and resenting each other.

Luckily, DH and I made it clear to SIL before she gave birth that while we’d be happy to look after our future nephew when it worked out with our schedules, we were not going to be a daycare service, so she has not tried asking us to watch the kid more than we currently do, which is about once a month or so. Meanwhile, MIL doesn’t accept that and told us we need to be more supportive of SIL(read: provide a free babysitting service for her whenever she needs it), and even called on several occasions and asked if we “wouldn’t mind going to the store and picking up X, Y, and Z for SIL.”

Now, DH and I are doing fine financially, but we cannot afford to be doing extra grocery shopping for SIL, particularly because we are trying to save money right now. Why? Because I’m four months pregnant with OUR first child. My husband and I are essentially in the opposite of the situation that SIL was when she got pregnant: We are financially secure, we are emotionally mature, and we are in a stable, loving relationship. We are prepared and ready to start a family.

… And yet, when we announced the news to DH’s parents, what were some of the first things out of MIL’s mouth? “Maybe you should have waited a while longer” and “Are you really sure you’re ready for this?” This, from the woman who enthusiastically talked about how nice and exciting it would be to have a baby around when SIL got pregnant.

How backwards can you be?! It seems she thinks we’re being selfish for moving forward with our own plans in life and not dropping everything to unconditionally support SIL and have our resources available to her. If only we lived out of state!

sister baby money pregnant pregnancy in-law

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Comments

Posted by Vilified 16th December 2011

People are fucking idiots. The same thing happens all the time in Orlando. These puerto ricans pop out babies like it’s nothing, with heads filled with idiot, unrealistic dreams of how amazing their new family is gonna be. 3 months later, 10 times out of 10, they fuck everything up due to their complete lack of sense, with only themselves and their families to blame. It’s good to hear you have your shit together, but people like you are a dying breed..

Posted by Vilified 16th December 2011

*Idiotic

Posted by kumquat 28th December 2011

Funny how reality checks seem to change people?s opinions. Feel for ya.

Posted by C 7th January 2012

I understand your view about your mother in law’s reaction to your news but I think you are being very judgmental about your sister in law. Who are you to say who should or shouldn’t have a child because of their situation? You are upset because your mother in law reacted negatively to the news of your pregnancy but look at how negatively you talk about your sister in laws pregnancy. You are no better.

Posted by Manfred 7th January 2012

When someone?s life falls apart because they can?t deal with the cost and stress of raising a child, as the sister-in-law?s seems to have, I think it?s perfectly fair to say they weren?t ready to have children ;)

Posted by Anonymous 8th January 2012

Things can fall apart whether you’re “ready” to have kids or not. The poster thinks she’s got it all sorted out but maybe one day her husband will leave her for someone else and she’ll find herself raising the baby as a single mum and struggling with with money and all the other stresses that come with being a single mum. And then she’ll need the support of her family including her SIL who she is so judgemental about. Don’t look down on other people, you might be in their shoes one day!

Posted by Anonymous 13th January 2012

In-laws can be a pain. Keep your chin up, think positive, and your MIL will get over it sooner or later. Can’t say much for your SIL, though. Sounds like a mess!

Posted by Anonymous 1st February 2012

Bahahaha… Looks like this story struck a little too close to home for some commenters here!

Posted by Anonymous 10th December 2015

Damn that’s fucked up.

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