Posted 7th May 2012 416

This is what it’s like living in Birtle, MB.

I should have known after I’d just moved there, when it was said to my face, “You may have bought your family’s house, but YOUR NOT FROM HERE! Half the people are nice and the other half are assholes, dumb fucks and golf snobs. After I’d just moved there, my family was all, “You should go to the arena and see a hockey game!” So, I walked into the arena and everybody looked at my like I’m a child molester. I never went back. I now refuse to contribute to any of the local charities.

I once saw a guy get beat up in the bar by four locals, because he wasn’t from there. Locals just want to fight people in there. I’ve been threatened in there. No point going in there anyways. Nobody goes in there for an after work drink and it’s got too many minors in there drinking. Doesn’t matter, it’s closed now. When it was open, the place could barely afford to buy beer for the customers to drink.

There’s no police presence in Birtle, MB. They have to come from the neighboring town, 25 mins away. There’s all sorts of dirt bikes and quads driving up and down the streets. Between 12am and 2am, there’s lots of people driving around intoxicated and squeeling their tires.

I tell ya, Birtle, MB is living proof, that gofers fuck potatoes! I was in the video store and this attendant that can never count pulled out one video I wanted to rent, then told me the other one I had picked wasn’t available and that it didn’t have a rented sticker on it. I gave her a different copy and she told me that one must be rented too! I walked over and in two seconds, found it in numerical order, right where it should be.

There’s these two crazy bitches, we’ll call them Winter and Fall. They think they can do whatever they want with impunity. Winter drove by me in broad daylight, with Fall yelling obsenities at me and went fishtailing around the corner, down mainstreet, infront of the drugstore. One time in the bar, Winter, who at the time was a minor, pulled my shorts down and exposed my junk to everybody. I walked outside for a smoke and she came out with a pail and threw a dead animal at me. Hit me in the neck. Somebody threw a dead animal that’d been shot in the head, in my yard, one time. Last weekend, I was in the local grocery store and Winter and Fall were behind me. Winter made a motion to pull down my pants. Fall laughed and said, “That’s just an awesome finish, to a most perfect day!” I was surprised, considering Fall has some affiliation to the place. Just two days ago, on a wet Friday night, I was just finishing watching a movie and Winter and Fall turned off, their lights, drove into my drive way, touched bumpers to my truck and pushed my parked truck over my eavestrophes, across my lawn, through my fence and into my garden! I heard a truck squeel and by the time I’d got outside, they were gone. After the police had come, Fall had come back to the scene of the crime, to check out the damage she’d done. I said, “Thanks for fucking up my shit!” She just laughed! I have every right to protect myself and property from malicous intent! So, the next night, Saturday night, I waited on my front door step, to see if anybody was going to come around and vandalise my property again. Fall and another girl came walking up to fuck up my shit. They were almost in my yard and my dog barked. They turned around and walked away. It’s a good thing they walked away, because I was standing there with a loaded gun.

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