Posted 10th January 2016 2036

So, I’m dating this guy. He’s my first boyfriend and I absolutely love the shit outta this guy, for some reason. In fact we have very little in common and we don’t really do that much with each other. I feel like he doesn’t quite understand me either, or more like he doesn’t try to. He often belittles me and makes me feel like shit. The thing is, I’m a pretty strong person and I can handle stuff like this really well but hearing this day in and day out is getting really tiring. He doesn’t realize what he’s doing though. He really cares for me and shows me that he loves me otherwise, but I feel like I’m losing a part of myself and I don’t like it. I don’t know how to handle it either. For 19 years I’ve only focused on myself and my own personality development, and to suddenly have this other person butting in is kind of throwing me off. I don’t know how to talk about this with him. He has this tendency of not quite taking me seriously, whereas I really listen to everything he says and love doing so. I told him in the beginning of this whole thing that talking with each other is key for this to work out. He agreed, but yet he won’t always talk to me or take me seriously when I talk. I’m a sucker for talking about really deep stuff but I can’t really do this with him, even though he said he likes it too. Gah. This is absolutely driving me insane.

Deep down I know we’re not compatible at all, but I really don’t want to lose him, much less end the whole relationship on bad terms. I’m trying so so so hard to make this work but I can only do so much by myself. Relationships are a two way street and in some ways he’s not really participating it feels like. He says he respects that I need some time alone every once in a while, because I am an introvert who seeks solitude, but yet he makes me feel bad when I say I don’t feel like going out or joining when he’s meeting friends. It feels like whatever I do, I’m always the stupid or dumb or boring one. I don’t think I can take it much longer.

But then again, I still really love him. When he’s not being obnoxious he’s a really nice person. He’s really funny and I like how he’s passionate about music and to see how much he cares about the well-being of his friends. He has big dreams and he’s working really hard to get there. I really look up to him. But, I’m not sure this is really working out. When I’m by myself and think about this whole thing I wonder what kind of situation I’ve put myself in, but when I am actually with him I’m really happy. It’s not like we’re totally incapable of talking with each other, it’s just that we mostly talk abot everyday things or joke around. Sure, that’s fun and I guess that’s good but I feel like that only takes our relationship so far. When I get to know people I’m more interested in getting to know the REAL person. Their biggest fears, dreams, thoughts about taboo subjects, I want to be able to discuss with them. This, I feel like I can’t to with my boyfriend. There is some sort of connection there, but I feel like there’s something missing.

I don’t know what to do.

2 Comments Forgive Condemn