Posted 2nd June 2014 07

Okay.. First of all.. Before you read on I would like to admit some things.
Yes, I am lazy.
Yes, I am ungrateful.
Yes, I live better than some and I know this because I was in a worse place before.
Yes, I love attention but I hate it at the same time.
Okay… So I was living with my dad and his girlfriend (fiance?) and my two little brothers and her son in the middle of nowhere. His house is nothing but two trailers stuck together with some plywood. LITERALLY.
Now, I don’t make perfect grades (in fact I make pretty bad ones) but I still deserve to be treated decently, right?
I really do try..
I now live in a house with my mom, her girlfriend, her girlfriends parents, and my brothers who are staying for the summer and maybe longer.
Now Ron (mom’s girlfriend’s dad) has cancer and he WILL die soon. He really will. He is really sick and currently stuck in the hospital.
Fae (mom’s girlfriend’s mother) is overweight and wears adult diapers STRICTLY because she is too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom. She tells me to do dishes and then sighs loudly EVERY FUCKING TIME they tap together and ‘clink’.
All she does is go to the newshouse and sit on her fatass and PLAYS GAMES. She doesn’t even work much! And when she does all she has to do is copy shit down! COPY. And then she comes home and sits in her fucking recliner with her goddamned laptop and PLAYS MORE GAMES until the time she goes to bed.
My mom works at Dollar General and Her girlfriend works in the kitchen at the hospital. They say they are trying to save money to buy a new house and yet they are continuously buying random shit. My mom has a pint of vodka almost everyday and tries to cover it up by mixing half and half of a vodka/gatorade mix. Who the hell do you think you’re fooling? Everyone knows you do it..
My mom and her gf sit around the house when they are off and hang out together and then I try to go tell her something and her excuse is “Why don’t you let us have some alone time?”
YOU HAVE ALONE TIME WHEN YOU GO TO BED AND WATCH TV FOR THREE HOURS. WHAT THE FUCK? YOU HAVE THREE KIDS, YOU’RE NOT A DAMN TEENAGER.
Don’t get me wrong, she cares for us in the sense of buying food and clothes (mostly for my brothers).
My mom got pregnant at sixteen and had my older half sister at seventeen.. So that is her first born… and then there was me. Her second daughter. And then there was my little brother Kris. Which is her first son.. And then my other little brother Alex….. Which is the baby of the family… So do you see where that leaves me? I feel like an unwanted object. Cast aside and left until they need me for something. My mom’s girlfriend is nicer to me than my own mom. She is the one who drives me to see my friends over an hour away.. Because they are the only friends I have. Where I live everyone is sporty and makes amazing grades and looks good and dresses up everyday and never sleeps in class or sits alone at lunch… I sit in the library at lunch. I have no one to sit with. When I first came here I had some people but after about two weeks they began getting distant and then just started putting their bags in the chairs at the table…….. So I go to the library of the detention room. I don’t even bother to get lunch.
I don’t know what to do about any of this…. I have no medication for my depression… and no matter how many times I try to ‘think positive’ it just feels so fucking stupid and makes it worse because I cant figure out what is wrong with me.

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