Posted 25th September 2010 2225

Dear Boss

I am scared to come into work because of you. you make me feel like shit … first you misunderstand an obvious joke and take it very personally which was not my intention as it was in no way directed at you. Secondly, you aggressively ask me to find something I have no knowledge about and when I asked for more information about what I was supposed to be looking for you said “You’re here to help me!”. I know that the role I perform is a support role so being told that my job is to “help you” was very belittling and disrespectful. Thirdly, you decided that you needed to let me know in no uncertain terms that I had a “bad attitude” towards you - that’s ok if that’s how you feel but to do this on the glassed in balcony of our office in plain view of colleagues was humiliating. This wasn’t a conversation, it was a bawling out and you, coming from a human resources background, should have known better, I feel.

I wasn’t back at my desk long before I started to have a strong physical reaction to the confrontation (yep, I started crying), I sent my coordinator a message saying I needed time and I fled the office in hot, angry, humiliated tears.

That night I cried as I related the story to my husband and then I cried myself to sleep knowing that the first meeting I was to have was with you and my coordinator about a completely unrelated topic on which I had prepared a great deal of good, thorough work.

Of course I was expecting an apology (stupid me) and the meeting was conducted in an icy manner.
The next week I was met with stony silence and any attempt on my behalf to engage in conversation was met with monosyllabic responses and a cold shoulder.

You make me feel bullied, harassed and, for the first time ever, unhappy to come to work. I understand that you are new to this role with a team that is complex and diverse and you are pressured to perform by your superiors. If you want to look good in their eyes, then treat the ones doing the work for you with some trust, respect, consideration and human decency. You will be amazed by the benefits of this management style and how much good work will come out of it.

The interesting thing is that some of your “pals” at work have stopped talking to me or acknowledging my comments - this wreaks of contagious bullying. They have no personal beef with me and should not treat this as their problem. Stupid, immature and ridiculous ….. here I am thinking that when people get close to or over 40 they have a clue or two …. not high school anymore fellas!

My suggestions for the next time you feel the need to discipline a staff member is to calm down before talking to them, use language and tone that is not aggressive and give them a chance to defend themselves. Also, find a private meeting room not a public balcony!

I will rise above this as I know that I will find the courage and character to build a bridge and get over it. I hope you do too.

cheers

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