Posted 30th March 2012 1225

I haven’t spent long on this planet. The duration of my lifetime was neither in the worst or the best of scenarios or environments. It was that grey middle ground, that hideous unavoidable centre. The class of people that earns too much for any kind of benefit and too little to make anything of them in regards to finances. Though I felt so lucky this entire lifetime in comparison to what this world does to so many others. Knowing countless individuals die every single moment we live and breathe stopped me from ever being able to sleep easy at night again. Throughout my short stay I’ve had countless nights without rest baring pure cynical resentment against the systems and societies in which we lived in, not individual people or those around me however, only those in power.
Though this did change, as those close to me I had ripped away. As I learnt from a young age how the world though always crueller elsewhere could truly bring torment on a person. After losing so many of my close friends from a young age I found it hard to understand the education system, and always found myself isolated in comparison to the social norms. I left to pursue further failed attempts at education suffering from my own mentality but telling no one in an attempt to cure my sleepless nights, to try change the world somehow.
I became cynical after each year passed with more failure, I realised I can’t save everyone but only support those around me. This belief system and career choice leads me to only become unemployed in a hellish centre of either too much or too little. I guess I write this not caring if it is read, as I can reassure myself that if this was intended for someone else I’d try my hardest for them to like me.

I’d try my hardest right now for most people to like me. Most people hated me, not so openly throughout most of my life but more apparent after education, if not I’d assume most of them just never cared.

I hate our social norms. I hate how we all just walk on by and just pretend millions don’t and haven’t suffered around us whilst we idly did nothing about it. I hate our social norms where drinking alcohol, a toxin is the whole aspect of what “going out” and being “young” is about. I openly smoke cannabis as both a medical alternative and as a recreational choice over something that is 3000 times less dangerous and has no recorded death within its use of all of human history in comparison to the staggering amount of deaths caused by alcohol.

I mean what kind of world is this, plants are illegal but selling FDA approved drugs that can kill you isn’t? Regardless I’d think I would of found my faith in the opposite sex in some attempt of believing that love may solve mysteries my own heart cannot. This has only ever proved wrong, which I can understand if one was to argue that I have maybe not experienced love or been in a loving relationship but I would only dismiss this as regardless women hate me. People my own age hate me, dislike me or just simply couldn’t care less for me. I was so even desperate to try my own sex, which all that lead to is the same story with a different gender.

My looks could be the issue? This is what I first thought, however various points differed from this as different girls and guys stated otherwise but for the most part, most women didn’t realise we ever met before due to how “normal” and “average” looking I was.
I walk around the streets for hours on end, listening to nameless music in an attempt to understand my generation, which fails. I find that’s okay as every generation shows individuals that prefer music genres that aren’t directly correlating but I find myself not enjoying really any music to be honest.

When I look down or at the mirror to ask myself why I feel this way, what the problem is with me and why this all is I just realise, it’s how shitty this world is. I realise that I have accepted this abyss that we, humanity are falling into. It’s all because I realise just how being terrible creatures is in our nature such as the slaughter of man.

Maybe my whole entire negative look upon this world is just systematic of someone suffering from depression. Maybe that’s the explanation. Or on the other hand, maybe my mind is trying to tell me that there is something seriously wrong with what is going on.

I’ve grown sick of this planet; humanity is sick, filthy, discriminative, judgemental, cruel and above all else unsympathetic to even innocence. There may have been a time when purity existed, but that time has surely passed.

As another sleepless night will befall me, I want all that read this to know:

This was written by a Human, born just like you that has given up faith on their own kind due to the environmental, social, psychological, physical, financial, emotional and universal factors involved in both their lifetime and throughout the course of history on this planet.

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