Posted 8th June 2015 1321

Ok. First, family means so much to me. I mean, I’m only 16 and I’m already thinking about how I’ll be ten years down the road with a husband and kids. I don’t want kids right now, but I know I want them in the future.
I don’t exactly have a mother. Sure, some woman gave birth to me and attempted to take care of me until I was like 5, but that doesn’t make her my mother. She’s suicidal. She’s an alcoholic. She has an issue with prescription pain pills. She doesn’t give a damn about me. I lived with her till I was 13 and till my parents divorced. Today, I don’t have a great relationship with her. I only talk to her at family occasions and when I have to.
I live with my father, my stepmother, and my two stepsisters. My father and I are close, but it’s not like we go out for ice cream every Friday. We don’t talk much and he is very selfish. He works a lot and when he’s off, he just wants to watch TV and drink. My stepmom is a horrible mother. She doesn’t discipline my stepsisters, so they’re crazy. They act horribly and I just absolutely hate being around them.
My real sister is married and lives over 4 hours away, so we don’t spend a lot of time together.
My brother just moved several hours away with his girlfriend, so we don’t talk much either.
I have an awful envy issue. I envy so many people for their great family relationships, especially my boyfriend’s family. They’re so close. I ate dinner with them yesterday and I got so depressed and literally almost started crying. We were eating at a table, which this “family dinner” routine is something I haven’t done with my own family since I was like 8. I was listening to them reminisce and talk about stories from the old days and it just pissed me off and upset me knowing that I will never do this with my family. I also feel bad because I view my boyfriend’s mother as the only mother I’ve ever had. My stepmom is never going to be a motherly figure and neither will my actual mother. I get so mad because of how my life turned out, family wise, but then I realize if it was perfect and happy, I never would have met my boyfriend or my best friend. So much would be different. I truly love where I’m at now and I’m blessed. I just get to those days where I notice a happy family and it drains my happiness.
Ok. Rant over. Sorry. Just needed to get all that out.

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