Posted 3rd April 2011 2622

Everyone fucking wants to bring me down and then everyone wants a piece of me. My parents are driving me to fucking drinking to coping with their shit. Being around them is the worst feeling in the world because they want me not to be them, and I don’t want to be them…but somehow I’m not supposed to be them by doing everything they fucking did. Because according to them everything they did was right. So why aren’t they where they want to be? It’s not my issue they were hermits who stayed in a closet all of their highschool years, studying and then never found out what they truly fucking wanted to do. I’m going to the school I want to go to. Yes, I know I have to raise my grades. I’m trying. But the harder I try it seems the lower I get. I’m drowning in these numbers and all they’re doing is telling me I’m never going to get anywhere. I get it. This is what you taught me mom and dad. I’m just like you! I’m not special. There are hundreds of people out their who can do everything I can do well just as fucking well if not better. I hope your fucking happy. Because when I stay out late with my friends I actually am fucking happy, a feeling you’ll never understand. Everyone in my fucking family wants something from me, and all they do is bring me down.
All this fucking pressure. I have no idea how to cope. All I fucking want to do is music but I know I’ll never suceed. I have the talent, I know I get into everything I audition for. But I don’t have connections.
Everything I do fails. I lost my best friend. She was a bitch though, told me she was too busy dealing with her problems to deal with mine even though I helped her as I kept on drinking. Then the only guy I ever cared about had oral sex with my other best friend. My world literally fell apart.
And now I have this new world. Where I go to this cool music school with my new friends and this new really hot guy who I still haven’t really talked to…who I can’t stop thinking about. And it’s driving me crazy when I see other couples on the street.
But everytime I go home, everytime I let myself in and my parents come home at nine I’m taken back to that world I worked so hard to fucking get out of. I feel ugly, bitchy there. And I know I am.
So I’m writing this why? For any potential parents out there….please, don’t make your kids feel like this. I’m only going to be 15 in a few months and my parents already make me feel like total shit. Please, just please don’t be like them. Encourage your kids, tell them how you feel don’t scream until they can’t feel anything anymore. Please, at least let my feelings have some kind of purpose.

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