Posted 9th October 2016 414

Warning. Unorganized mess b/c I can’t fucking sleep and shit. I love my bf to death but I’m so fucking pissed off right now. Not really at him for what’s happened, but for the instability it brought about if that makes sense. I didn’t expect to be living together under my mother’s roof so soon. I’d have preferred getting an apartment together and yada yada. I’m scared and my anxiety is driving me mad and all I want to do is sleep, eat, fuck around on the computer, cry a bit, and repeat. I can’t pull myself together. I’m the worst for even partially blaming him. It’s me who quit my job. I should have hung in there a little longer even though my boss made me feel like killing myself. I needed the money. I was just so tired of crying every night and having panic attacks in the break room. It’s his parents who kicked him out literally the day after for not knowing if he really wanted an electrical engineering degree. For “lying” about going to class. All bc he didn’t purchase a parking pass and books so that he wouldn’t have to fight for refunds if his gut instinct was right. I know he went bc he wouldn’t lie to me. We’ve been through too much shit. Fuck. You. Now you’re texting him whining that he doesn’t want to talk to you. You’re probs drunk because you’re both high functioning alcoholics. You don’t know who he’s mad at or why. You kicked him out without listening to a word he said. “That’s between you and god!” You don’t know how to listen. He wasn’t dropping out of college necessarily, just taking the term off to think after having a really bad first day of class like “oh shit this may not be the right degree” but now he had to bc you drained all his accounts and basically disowned him. Yet all you talk about is “Why are you so stupid? We gave you the chance for everything nlah blah.” You’ll never hold any child I birth or adopt, you pieces of shit. When you’re old and decrepit I’ll a t least have him strongly consider the option to toss your asses in a home. Not even half the story here, but yeah. Did I mention, fuck you? My head hurts and I’m sleepy and the next time I see you you’re getting the bird at minimum.

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