Posted 26th February 2011 3541

My fucking mom moved me away from my life in my home country when i was young only giving me 2 weeks notice, so in 2 weeks I had to say good bye to all my friends, family and my dad.

They divorced because he was physically abusive and would hit and threaten her with weapons as well. I am honestly glad she is out of this situation but I have so much anger towards her and everyone in my life. I don’t feel anger towards my friends, but to my family I just feel so much HATE towards them.

We moved to Canada and obviously starting in a new country it was a total 180 for me, as we were now below middle class in terms of wealth and had to scrounge. She would work a late job where I would have to wait until early morning hours to open the door for her, and then wake up for school the next day. It has changed now, by no means are we rich, or anything, but we don’t have to fight for money.

Which I hated, school. Kids that weren’t friendly at all, to a newcomer with an accent. A newcomer that was so confused about Canada, I knew nobody, had no friends and was generally a quiet child.

I love my mom, I know this deep down, so maybe all I have his anger.

Her first boyfriend seemed to be a nice guy, but he disgusted me. It turned out later she found out he had a wife and family and was not divorced as he said, but still a married man. SO she dumped him.

The second boyfriend, now whom she calls my step dad, is a nice guy and has good intentions. But he’s an alcoholic, who when drunk becomes a dickhead and they fight. Nothing permanent but afterwards I’m the one who has to tell her that ‘hes a good guy, just has a small problem…’

I feel so angry, so angry towards them, him because he acts like he doesn’t need her, yet has the fucking Balls to talk to me like a step dad, even tho he always says shit like “[moms name] you live your life, I’ll live mine, and when I’m ready i’ll move out.”

I’m not doing well in school due to having problems focusing and committing to tasks and deadlines. Something which I feel has to do with the fact that I don’t see education as even important anymore. I just sometimes wish a bus would hit me or something. I don’t have the courage to commit suicide, and I’m also scared of an afterlife, if there is one. Heaven or hell…

My mom always says she’s there for me, and she is… in someways she’s there so much I just want to leave and let her and him have their happy fucking life.

She has set up on Mar 1st an appointment with a psychiatrist for me, and I hope this person can help me, because I have so much anger even tho by all accounts I seem a jovial and happy child. I am nice to everyone I meet, and am eager to avoid confrontation, but when with my family, or talking about education, I am very angry.

I can’t see myself ever moving back to my home land should I finish school, or whether I don’t. My family have their own little drama and social circles, due to the fact that they’re all wealthy, that I just don’t fit in.

I don’t know where my life is going, but when I look down the road all I see is a lonely one.

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