Posted 8th February 2016 312

so, this is just an ordinary heartbreak actually. But this start to get annoying lately. I broke up with my bf for about more than a year. We had a relationship for about 3 years and he said he will marry me. I love him so much, I trust him.
But then, he cheated then he broke me up mercilessly.
I was really in a big mess at the first 3 month, but then I tried to get over it. About April or august (i forgot) last year I dreamed about him, two times in a week. It was horrible, i woke and cried like crazy. Few days after that I tried to contact him, and then i knew his grandmother was passed away. But when I told him about my condolences, he answer me coldly. That’s why, no matter what happens, I never contact him again.
Since then I keep dreaming about him occasionally. I don’t know why. The last dream about him is we chat to each other naturally, like an old friends. He told me that he’s sorry and he already married with his new girlfriend. But he hug me and kissed me. I don’t even feel any bitter in my feelings, but I told him that I have unstable mental state and then I cried in my dream.. And when I woke too.
It’s true that since I dream about him I have a sort of panic attack. And it’s getting worse and worse everytime I had it. Sometimes I feel like either I’m going to die or crazy.
I don’t dare to tell my family about this, because my parents isn’t the type who will listen. They mostly just push me to accept their view and what they think it’s right thing to do. And mostly just tell me “Why do you have to be so upset? You’re an adult so you have to know what you have to do,” or put me in blame for trust too much. I mean, I already know that I’m stupid, so they don’t have to rub it in my face.

My bestfriend told me, the only way is to find another love. But, then again, how it’s possible to find another love while I’m still in this condition? I’m not even a beauty, so I can’t just pick another man I want.. :(

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