Posted 10th November 2012 211

Dear Mr ‘Right’,

Suck it. I’m not looking for you. If you’re lost, I’m not rescuing you. Find a map, find your way, and get here already.

The way I see it, with almost every other species on the planet, the male of the species is the one that does the seeking and chasing. It works for peacocks and for other birds, dogs, rabbits, bulls, deer and countless others. The ones that don’t seek and don’t chase, don’t pass on their genes. Simple, and effective.

So this is what’s going to happen. I’m 31 now. I will be spending all of 2013 working on getting my own place to live and getting on the property ladder. I will spend all of 2014 and 2015 saving up to adopt a little boy (aged between 5 and 8). You have between now and 2016 to get on the train. Beyond 2016, the doors WILL be closed, the train WILL pull away from the station and that little boy will be the male apple of my eye.

No, you will NOT be allowed to be in the picture after 2016. As it is, I no longer have the compromising capacity that was in abundance in my teens and twenties. In my thirties, there are just other things besides you to consider: how to provide for my retirement, how to progress in my career, children and legacy and aging parents. You are sliding down the list at an alarming pace, compared to where you were in my teens and twenties. If you won’t show up to argue for yourself as a priority, I can’t see any reason to prioritise you either.

I figure it’s only fair to give you the equivalent of a female biological clock, seeing as you’ve probably fallen into the trap of thinking that as you’re male, you can take your sweet ole time when it comes to getting here and it won’t matter biologically speaking. Fair’s fair though; if I’m going to be hounded by a biological clock, there should a countdown for you too.

It begins… NOW.

0 Comments Forgive Condemn