Posted 18th November 2015 2136

it is only the first semester of school and I’m already stressed out. i have put so much pressure on myself that not even and 85% is good anymore. I feel horrible and anxious all the time. I also feel ugly. Im either too tall and skinny or I feel small and fat. And if i try and tell anyone that they laugh. As if i can’t feel fat. ITS UNFAIR. And why do all the girls my age have to be so so STUPID. Who do they think the are? Im sick of comparing myself to them all the time. Im also sicks of not feeling good enough for ANYONE. Everyone has boyfriends or boys lining up to be with them and I have no one. I feel like crap. On top of that my piano teacher thinks I have ABSOLUTELY NO LIFE and actually have time to practice THREE times a day. NO NO NO. how am I supposed to find time for everything? I constantly feel like I might cry. I am socially anxious too. I can’t hold up a conversation to save my life and its starting to become a problem. I constantly feel caught between teachers/adults and my friends. I want to seem cool but I also want to seem smart. How can you be both without screwing up along the way? I wish that girls would stop acting so dumb. Is it to make boys like them? And then I’m here, trying to be myself and I feel like I have to pretend to be dumb around these guys. Thats just stupid. Not to mention I procrastinate over everythingeverythingeverything. And when I get a mark i don’t like I feel like crap. WHY? I hate junior high. Everyone says, you will love high school, its great! But, how can it be so great? I don’t see how people can change so dramatically from now to grade 10. And sure, I want a fresh stat with new people but I am nervous to make new friends. I haven’t switched schools since I was 3 and honestly, I have no idea how I’m going to deal. I am scared I am going to loosely best friend. Yeah, maybe I call her my best friend but she wouldn’t. She has about 15 best friends and Im just one of them. I don’t want to lose her to all those other girls. I want to hang out more with her but I feel SO uncomfortable around those other girls. Why am I so weird? Why does no one like me? I don’t get it anymore.

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