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I hate changes.

Anger

Posted 4th June 2012 816

Don’t really know where to start with this rant. I guess really what’s pissed me off is a culmination of things trailing back six months at least, when my parents stopped talking completely. This is one of the few changes in my life that I handle pretty well because it happens a lot. But this time it’s totally different. Because this time, well it really is the end. My mum has said time and time again that she was going to leave my emotionally crippling father but she never seems to and I’ve never really understood why not. It’s not like he would care, as he seems determined to push everyone away, i doubt any of my siblings would care, I know I certainly don’t. But yeah, this time it different because shes actively planning what she’s going to do. Which is move out and force the sale of our house. And while I’m thrilled that she’s finally leaving the dickhead, I just don’t know how I’m going to tolerate not living in this house. I cannot tolerate the tiniest of changes in my routines and I hate saying that because I know that makes me a ridiculously selfish person and then I realise that my lack of caring about the fact that I’m a ridiculously selfish person makes me seem like a truly terrible person.
Next thing that has been piled onto me is my parents debt. I don’t begrudge my mum asking to borrow money so that we have food in the house or she has enough petrol in her car to get her to work and back etc. What really pissed me off was my father borrowing money off me to supposedly pay off his overdraft, for him to then go out the very next day (today) and go to the pub. And I know that he’ll ask again when I get paid and tell me that I owe him for keeping a roof over my head and take all my money because he is too lazy and unwilling to look for a job. And then he has the nerve to complain to me about me being lazy. I truly hate the self-righteous hypocritical bastard.
That’s another thing that being slowly and continually being thrown into this long festering pile shit that I’ve been carrying around, is the fact that my father is a self-righteous, hypocritical, arrogant prick who continually insults me and makes me feel like utter shit. To the point where I could quite happily kick the living crap out of him with the biggest and truest smile on my face. But as I’m constantly reminded, that is somewhat illegal and frowned upon.
And to top off a truly, spectacularly shitty day (and I realise this is quite sad) ive broken my last pair of headphones at the one point in the whole day/night that I just want to listen to my music and its this, out of all the things that’s I’ve just ranted about, that makes me want to cry.

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