Posted 28th August 2014 38

It was then, at the freaking age of 18–you heard me people, 18!!–that I FINALLY realized the damn truth! That all my life, this balding son of a bitch was playing with my mother’s life and directing mine down the path to hell. I’ve been stuck in a dysfunctional situation with a narcissistic, emotionally abusive idiot who sought to control the lives of those around him. A little more on this bastard: He has the mental and emotional capacity of a two year old. He gets angry very easily, and often for stupid reasons. Whenever something doesn’t go his way, he throws a fit and takes it out on all three of us (yes, his own child too). But when mom is there, he acts like he is the most calm person in the world. That doesn’t mean they don’t disagree with each other, though. Mom supposedly doesn’t like him and would’ve left him long ago if it weren’t for “Heaven” (who dictated that she must stay with him to save his soul bc he was a player in his past life and accumulated all this negative karma or something).

Stepdad loves to think that everyone loves him. Unfortunately enough, he has enough charisma to charm people and make them think they’re talking with the most extraordinary person in the world. He has made it a point to us many times that peoples’ love for him is an indicator that he is not an evil person. Didn’t all the Germans love Hitler, too? But of course we could never mention that to him. He is also a very inconsistent person, reacting to the same problem in totally different ways every time. One time he is rational, another he is completely nonsensical, and it drives us crazy with fear. Because whenever he is angry/nonsensical/frowning in general…we can all expect a good dose of ear-splitting yelling. “And if you DARE tell your mother,” he would add, “this and this will happen to you…”

My life is a miserable hell. There may be times when there is peace, and we appear to be a normal family, but when all hell breaks loose…I just want to kill myself. You’d think my mom would defend us if she ever knew, because of how stepdad was always threatening us if we told her…right? Wrong. She got a clue once; stepdad was saying derogatory things to me in the backyard and she happened to see me cry. She could have done the right thing, once. Instead, she yelled so loudly at stepdad so that all the neighbors could hear, becoming even scarier than him, saying honorable things like if she continued to shelter this idiot then she would be less than a mother dog who defended her pups…but when we told her nothing was wrong per stepdad’s orders, she calmed down immediately. Never pursued the matter. Never asked us about it…

Which drove me to one conclusion. As I have said, my mom believes she is #1. Our entering college early, our successful endeavors at teaching our little brother how to read, our “obedience”, and etc, was proof to her that she was the best mother in the world. The day she got the clue, though, was the day that #1 status was questioned. If we were being emotionally abused behind her back, if we were so attacked by someone she called her husband and she didn’t know it, that would mean she had been a total failure as a mother. Especially because this man was still her husband and she still referred to him as her husband. That would have forged her reputation as a woman who put the kids’ stepfather above the kids themselves, and everyone knows how despicable those women are! So she got angry, enraged that this status of hers was being challenged, yelling at my stepdad for making it so simply because his actions and our reactions threatened that status. When we assured her nothing was wrong, she felt better, because that means her #1 status was not challenged at all. It was safe. She took our word for it then and just let it slide. Slide under the carpet…

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