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I think about being dead alot

Posted 17th March 2017 513

Ever have that feeling where life seems useless, nothing motivates, inspires or makes you feel anything besides resentment and melancholy. Wanting to make a change for the better but lacking the energy to do so. So i think, what is it like to be dead? Is it nothing? Peaceful? Horrible? No one knows cause the ones that do know are dead. Is it another life, another reality, another dimension or is it just the same bullshit as before repeating itself in another pointless existence. Do wildest of dreams come true, all those video games and fantasy stories I wish were my real life, do i come to inhabit this? or is it just dark nothing, ceasing to exist. I often wonder if death would be better then my life…some people would say i’m ungrateful for what has been given to me, that the chances of being alive at this time, to be who i am, what the human race is, the chance of that are like 1 billion, trillion to 1. Maybe its true, but if they’ve never felt the emptiness i feel within me sometimes, they can’t relate and they’re lucky for it. Prescription drugs, recreational drugs, talking to “experts”, friends, family, strangers, doesn’t seem to help. I do get a brief sense of relief, but that never really lasts, prescription drugs literally change your brains chemistry, so you change over time and you don’t really notice it, numbs you inside, sorta gets rid of that sad feeling, but also everything else. So I dunno, I’m a decade or so away from mid life and I already sorta embrace the idea of not existing or to see what’s in the beyond. Life is strange and confusing, cheers to all the like minded people out there.

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