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I wish it was you.


Posted 20th January 2012 1713

Going on 9 years of knowing you (freshman English in high school, yes?) and even though we talk regularly, maybe even daily, I miss you. Haven’t seen you in person in… two years? I wish you’d said something sooner and not waited until I had been with him for over a year. And then disappeared the second you told me. Because I think we would have been really great together. Maybe we still can be? I’m still with him, and I think you hate that, especially after how he treated me in the beginning. But really I have no idea what’s going on in your head, just like I didn’t know back then. I don’t know what to do. He’s fragile and finally loves me and I love him, too, but I’ve never known anything other than him. I want to try things, and I want to try things with you. Sex or more, whatever, just something. I hate not knowing… just like you do. Doesn’t help that you hate yourself just as much as I hate myself, so we do this circling thing that’s completely inefficient and nerdy. But maybe it wouldn’t work. I probably wouldn’t be enough after a while. And I’m no Blake Lively, to be sure. And we’re so similar it might be disastrous. But to see you and be more than extremely close friends and know what might’ve been… you’ve got me all girly which you know is not me at all. Damn you. I wish I knew where to go from here.

miss debate wishing wondering

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