Posted 23rd August 2015 1520

tl;dr: I love her, and she’s incapable of feeling love.
This is me getting my story off my chest, including the painfully honest letter that I wrote her that confirmed all of my fears. I have never heard of anyone like her, so if there must be a question, then it would be for people’s experience, and how they dealt with it and healed. I have removed the names for privacy.

This past weekend was the start of a downhill slope that ended my engagement, and a relationship that helped contribute to the motivation to create this. My heart is hurt, and when I’m hurt, I write. I always have.

A brief background, I’ve been with her for the past three years. She comes from a higher income family and different social class. She had an almost indescribable, unbelievable, upbringing. In my opinion, it was so structured, restrictive, and emotional abusive, that she was never shown how to have feelings that involved others. Love, care, compassion, empathy, and selflessness are not emotions that she understands. I had noticed this, and as much as I loved her. As much as I love her. I knew that I would not be able to get the same in return. Everything on the surface was good, but that’s as far as it went. Only the surface. There could not be ‘bad things’ under the good, because that’s all there was. Just the surface. No depth to her.

It’s really not her fault. I told myself this. I would be the one who showed her unconditional love. I wanted to be the one. I’ve never heard a story out of her mouth that conflicted with me knowing that I WAS, in fact, one of, if not the, only one who loves her unconditionally. She was always on my mind, she was always my first priority, and everything in life was able to be sacrificed for her happiness. Including my own happiness.

The story back in March, was started by a binger trying to deal with the comprehension of what this meant for her, for me, for us. I turned to alcohol for the answers because there was no one else that would listen. I had not, and I have not completely, learned to look up. After I sobered up, and decided to continue my sobriety, I went on a personal quest to find the cause of my unjustifiable behavior.
……..
If I try to post the rest, with or without the letter, it is too long. “cannot exceed 5,000 characters, current length is 20,887] If you are interested in continuing the letter, it is at:

[http]docdro[dot]id/aRIHAPF

It is long, but emotional and pure.

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