Posted 28th September 2013 1926

I’m so tired. How does everyone else do it. How does Cristina do it. She is hurt but she is still happy. I’m not. I know I’m not. I don’t know why. I don’t know why I care so much now. I used to be happier. I mean I think I’m happy, but I’m not. I realize in the past I was happier. Now I feel like I’m boring. I used to be fun to hang out with. Now I don’t talk that much, and I don’t do outgoing stuff. I’m boring. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of always liking someone, and them not liking me. I’m sick of bring the quiet one in the group. I’m sick of seeing people laugh and have fun with my friends and I feel like an outcast. I’m sick of not being good enough. I’m sick of always being compared to my sister. Always hearing my mom say Sara’s special. She’s social, and positive and nice. Apparently I’m the complete opposite. The thing us nobody knows me!!! NOBODY!! I feel like I’m trapped in someone else’s body. Always trying to escape,but never can. No matter what. I’m so tired of it. I just want to be me. But, I don’t know how. For once I just want to fit in. Be the best at something. Be able to make my mom see who I really am. Not be second best. I just want to be me. Right now I’m not who I really am. This person isn’t me. I hate it. I’m trapped, I’m imprisoned. I’m lonely. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I don’t know who my really friends are. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m sick of being different. The ugly one. I have so many flaws. My sister is perfect. I know that. I have to be reminded everyday. My mom doesn’t need to rub it in my face all the time. I get that compared to her I’m the ugly duckling. Nobody knows how I really feel. Should I tell them? Why? Why should I? they’d just judge me. Judging me with their eyes pitying me with their mouth. Telling me everything is gonna be alright. Well that’s a lie. Everything is not going to be alright. It is never alright. I hate how I overthink everything. How I have so much swirling in my head. I just want to explode. I don’t want to live a life of regret. A life where I doubted myself in everything. I’m so tired. I just want it to end.

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