Posted 22nd August 2015 2034

Every since I could hold a pencil, I’ve been drawing (well, if you consider scribbles “drawings”). All through school I would get in trouble for just drawing all the time. Seriously, in Pre-K, my mom was sent home a note saying how I “should be talked to because [I] was too busy drawing to socialize with the other kids.” My family’s always supported me on it, seeing as I was never good at music and I hated sports. Over the years they’ve bought me supplies, paid for a few classes, etc (seriously, I’m not trying to sound spoiled in anyway - I worked for these supplies and along with them being mostly birthday and christmas gifts). No matter what people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, it always had to do with art; whether it was interior design, just an “artist,” director, advertising, and even a fashion designer at one point. Now that I’m entering my junior year, I don’t feel really “connected” with my art. I have no inspiration because I go around the internet and see these beautiful pieces of work that I know I will never be able to make. I’ve been practicing (serious practicing, not just scribbles and doodles) for about 7 years now, and I haven’t made that much change. For the life of me I cannot draw an eyeball, let alone a person. I find drawing from life and drawing figure sketches to be difficult. I can paint pretty well (did that sound cocky? I’m sorry if it did), but it’s never photo-realistic. I’m just so frustrated. My family says I’m good at it, but 99% of the time, I feel/know they’re just saying that because they’re my family so they don’t want to let me down. There are nights where I just sit in bed after attempting to draw, and I just get upset because it just doesn’t seem fun anymore now that college is just around the corner. Do I want to do this with my life? Yes. Will I? I don’t know because I get in these moods where I just don’t want to do any art. It becomes almost this “responsibility” where I force myself to paint something. I have soooo many canvases that are either blank or have half-finished (and by half-finished I mean like under-paintings, so not even half I guess?) paintings because I know I’ll feel proud of them, then see someone else’s better painting. I have so many sketchbooks from over the years (birthdays, classes, holidays, etc.) that are just empty and sitting on a book shelf. I think my main problem is I never know what to draw, and when I do, it never comes out looking like I want - no matter how many times I try to fix it. I’m just so frustrated with it and I don’t know what to do. Any advice is welcomed.

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