Posted 14th April 2017 1724

Ok so, that’s my first time posting on a site like that and I don’t really know what to do. I just want to let go you know ?

I’m in love with a guy, but the thing is I’m a trans dude (meaning I was born female but I’m a guy on the inside) and dating when you’re trans an be… complicated.

We are close and talk for like 4 hours every night on Skype so, of course, we also talked about love.
I told him I knew no guy would love someone like me and he said that “yes, of course. If it’s a relationship based on love, and the person knows about you then they’ll be okay” the thing is I don’t know if it’s the type of sentence like “oh it’s okay… for others. I don’t actually think I could go out with you”.

And also… we talked and he has a crush on someone else.
He kept talking and talking about how awesome this person is and that’s fine, I mean, that person does look good and cute and seems interesting but when the guy you love is being obnoxious and talking about ho they love love looove someone else in front of you… well it hurts.

Even more than that but he’s kinda slow. For the 2 whole years we’ve known each other he doesn’t get that when, in the middle of a conversation, I stop talking, then something’s up.
He was saying how he’ll die alone (low self esteem TM) and I just said (without thinking)
“Don’t worry, you’ll find someone who’ll love you very much and will always want to hug you and shit”
And he said “huh no. like, no no one’s gonna love me ever. No one is in love with me and no one will ever love me like that”
And I just thought “huh me bitch. I’m right here. yup.”
Of course I just kept it in (y’know, cause of the crush thing) and I didn’t talk for a minute.

And also there’s one more thing that really hurts.
I’m freaking dumb ya know so when he asked me if I had a crush, I didn’t answer and this time, he didn’t fail to interpret my silence as a yes. So now, he keeps asking me who tf it is and I’m feeling even more depressed cause I keep being anxious he’ll find out.

I’m a relationship rooky that miserably failed his first love thing.
And I have lots of self esteem issues, plus some problems trusting others and I don’t want to ever break his heart (cause I know that if he knew he might feel guilty and having to reject me would really make him sad).

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