Posted 3rd May 2017 310

I like to think I’m a good person. However I’m fat from too much fast food and years of a sedentary lifestyle. I partied hard in college and definitely put on the freshman (50). Things got worse when I left school and moved to the middle of nowhere for a crappy marketing job. My job and the place I like mostly are boring except sometimes I get to travel. I stayed with my former roommate and BFF in NYC. She works in finance. She goes to either power yoga or “tone house” every day. She is one of those white and perfect physical specimens that belongs on a magazine. I probably outweigh her by 70 lbs. I should have known better but I attempted to work out with her and I got my ass handed to me in the first five minutes and almost died. My friend was giving people high fives and yelling stupid encouragement at me that was just pissing me off. As if that was not enough, I was further reminded of just how out of shape I’ve become after I attempted to follow her up the never-ending subway steps and then the stairways to her apartment. All I could think was how perfect her life is now and how uber toned she is all over and how in contrast my legs and butt are quivering all over as my heart races and I gasp for air up these impossibly long and out of service escalators. When we finally made it home she made some gloating comment about how she likes to climb steps two at a time even when she’s carrying tons of grocery bags. Screw you!!! All her stupid party friends are physically perfect like her too. I was literally the DUFF when we went out at night. I’m sure they look down their spoiled ass rhinoplasty noses at me too. Just the whole bunch of them is spoiled, vapid, only interested in men with money. They worship their own appearance, work out every day, and drink kale smoothies for breakfast. I choke on their kale. So nasty. Give me a doughnut. After my visit I realize I now hate my friend and she is now Ex-BFF. Her life is better in every way it seems. I would like to put a plastic bag over her perfect face and strangle her to death but I’m pretty sure after seeing her workout she would still easily kick the crap out of me. At least I win at not being a stuck up snob obsessed with myself.

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