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New to me

Posted 22nd September 2016 412

I never thought I’d ever be alone, and I’m not, but ive never felt more alone. Life is moving, and so am I, but I feel like I’m just not keeping up. The people I feel that are at my pace, I don’t feel like I belong next too. I feel lm suppose to be with my people, in the middle, or even towards the front of the group… instead the people I thought I was close to, arnt even around when I need them.. I feel, like I am at the bottom, and for some reason, am receiving sympathy. I played my whole life happy, being interesting, challenging myself, being involved! And just like that, I’m a side note… my compliments mean nothing, my experience is ignored, my opinions overlooked… it gets old. I thought I was a contributing member of my friends, and instead I don’t even have my presence remembered. A few of my closer friends, thinking they had not seen me in 6-odd months, when in fact we had hungout nearly every weekend since…

Re-reading this helps to make me feel like a prissy preppy fuck, which is even odder… I’m no where near that, and that description makes me shudder. What makes matters worst, I’m aware of this now. I don’t know how long I’ve been ignored, or ifthey even notice they’re doing it. And them knowing or noticing won’t fix anything. It wont be the same. I am nothung to the people in my life. I am replaceable, swappable, and maybe even better off vanishing so someone else can take my place…

Note to self and others, in a world of so much, nothing is unique, nothing is special, everything is replaceable, including people and emotions… here’s hoping I can replace my own emotions, b4 I drive my own self literally insane. Fuck you Los Angeles

-47

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