Posted 30th December 2012 38

… I truely cant wait for a new year to come because 2012 has been hell for me. Yet im to blame for all of it. I will say there has been ONE great thing this year and that is meeting Shannon. She is amazing in every way and i am very thankful for her and how she has lifted my spirits to new heights. were in the process right now of getting an apartment together and its very exciting for both of us because of how well we mesh and get along. But now with information that im just receiving i feel this might be the deal breaker and im scared.
i woke up to a text from someone saying she is 5 months pregnant. this really is the icing on the cake for this year. unbelievable really, but apparently very real. im writing this in hopes of clearing my head because i am just at a complete loss right now.
so my quick recap of my year is this: I loose a friend of 20 years to a train accident, i lose my job the very next day, i end up sleeping with my friends girlfriend for God knows what reasons, she tells me shes pregnant, i create nothing but turmoil in the small group of close friends i have, i get my old job back, start getting my emotional self back on track and focused again on future goals, meet someone amazing (Shannon), tell her about my situation and she is ok with it, and now im being told that i got another girl pregnant prior to getting the other being knocked up. youve got to be kidding me…. I have made the worst decisions this year, i cant help but to feel selfish, and completely guilty. which i should feel.
Now, i have to tell Shannon this news. i was already scared to death to tell her the first time that i had a baby on the way and she was and is accepting of it. Hell i dont even blame her one bit for not wanting to be with me since i have more baggage than a damn commuter airline.
I am just disgusted with myself and ashamed. i feel as Ive done nothing but disappoint all those around me and myself.

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