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Please Get the F*** Out of My House

Posted 8th May 2011 61

Dear House-guest-turned-unexpected-roommate:

Some people just don’t get it, they can’t take hints, they are clueless; like you, I was happy to help you out when you asked if you could spend a few days, a week at the most, at my house. This temporary arrangement has evolved into you parking your unwashed ass on my couch for the last 2 months though, and it’s time for you to get the hell out of my house. I have told you this in a nice way. You have 10 days left here. You would think after the “talk,” that you would respect my boundaries and wishes and be here as little as possible. You just don’t get it, do you? I never wanted a roommate, and I still do not, especially you. You are a pig.

I hate the way you yawn. I hate the way you laugh and clap like a retard at the t.v. I hate that you don’t fill the Brita pitcher when you take the last drop of water. Stop stretching in front of me, as I do not need to see your muffin top when you do this. I hate that you walk in bathroom with your shoes on, despite my protests. My bathroom is my sanctuary of clean; you have just brought airport bathroom germs in there by wearing your shoes, do you get that??? Do you know how much I LOATHE the fact that I have to clean your freaking pubes out of my bathtub? You are disgusting. You haven’t washed your sheets since you’ve been here. Were you raised by wolves? Must you always slam the doors? Your baby talk: works on your gross girlfriend, but not on me. I am annoyed. You are aware that I am annoyed, yet you will not get out of the house and leave me in peace for 5 minutes. It’s a nice day. Go take a walk, a drive…something, Get the fuck out of my house, You have overstayed your welcome here.
You can’t seem to anything quietly. You are a brute. You are clumsy and spastic. I think you may be autistic, and I know for sure you are annoying.

Get a life please. Go away. Leave. You have made me miserable and uncomfortable in my own house. Yet I believe that you are clueless to all of this despite the visible signs that I am so annoyed.

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Comments

Posted by Anonymous 1st June 2011

I hope you don’t live in Florida, there’s a law there that if you live in the house for 2 weeks you have to evict the person. My mom found out the hard way.

Posted by Anonymous 10th January 2012

It’s your house. Kick them out.

Posted by Anonymous 13th January 2012

So tell them to leave flat-out! Stop beating around the bush. Or you could change the locks when they’re not there.

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