Posted 28th December 2015 2129

Alright, I have a friend who I do love very much. They are great and funny and hella fucking attractive and practically just amazing to be around. I would do practically anything for them because they would do the same for me, too! The downside is that they are depressed and have anxiety and they do cut (a lot!).
And I get it! depression is very serious and I feel very bad for my friend. I do everything I know how to do to get him to understand that I care for him.
But really.
Sometimes I fucking hate him.
I have another friend that also tries to help and I can tell she’s almost done with it, too.
You can be depressed and sad but that is absolutely no excuse for ignoring other peoples feelings and sympathy for you. Don’t joke about you cutting yourself or killing yourself and act like it’s funny then be confused when I get irritated. I care for you and want you here and it’s a serious fucking issue that I don’t find funny. When you bring it up like that it’s like letting me love and cherish something then taking that thing and kicking its in the gut in front of my eyes while it dies.
What? Do you expect me to laugh at the thought of you killing yourself when it’s very possible and I already had a giant scare about that? Do you think that I don’t have my own problems like you do? Why do you think I stay with you and hug you while all this is changing me and my issues for the worst and are you just going to ignore that and hurt me more by saying I don’t care right while I’m sobbing over you?
Oh, I’m sorry! I forgot I don’t have your privileges to feel basic emotions and react to things like that. Forgive me.
Please, can’t he just open up his eyes and see that he’s hurting me and our other friends more then he thinks?
Just my group of friends is so damn depressing and sad. At least other people in it keep it to a minimum that most people can deal with.
I have so much horrible influences. No wonder I’m starting to get done with life!
I don’t need to bring it up because I actually care about how I influence people I cherish! (And also because of other shit)
Ugh, I need to calm down.
I know that they need help and want us to push them to victory or something like that. I’m willing to do that! And I am fine with them bringing it up and them mentioning cutting/etc. now and then. Even just taking it down a little is better because it seems every few minutes he’s showing me his cuts or bringing up something depressing!
It’s horrible for a lot of people around them and really. If you bring it up so much get help!
Or at least accept it!
If I didn’t care I would be out the fucking door and gone by now. Why should I stay and deal with caring about you to the point of crying over some stupid fucking messages just to have you answer with something like “But you don’t really care. Why should you care about me?”
Um, excuse me? Do I need a damn permit to have a friend and feelings to go with it? Why in all Hell should I need a reason to care?
Why do I like my pets?
Do I need a big explanation? I didn’t give birth to it and the dog or cat can be fat, skinny, cute, ugly, dirty, whatever! All I need to say is “Because it’s my dog/cat/pet and I love him/her!”
No one questions it! They’re just like “Oh, alright that person likes there pet.”
All I should need to say is your my friend and I care about you and want you here.
If I don’t like you I don’t like doing shit with you and I don’t trust you enough to damn near blink in front of you.
If you can get me to sleep near you it’s either a) You’re my friend and I trust you or b) I am trying real hard to pretend I’m still your friend until I work up the guts to tell you and leave.
And if I cuddle you on my own then you might as well marry me right now because I don’t do that even with my closest friends. Even hugs are struggles. I’ll help you and love you and I want you here.
But Jesus Christ.
Please.
SHUT UP.
Because sometimes you really need to.

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