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Sick of it

Anger

Posted 23rd January 2013 28

I’m a sophomore in high school. I successfully balance all honors classes, weekly violin AND viola lessons, three different orchestra rehearsals a week, practicing with the string quartet I’m in, and I work around 15-20 hours a week. I bought my violin and viola, as well as all of my music, with my own money, from an insurance policy left behind by my late father. I pay for my lessons, which are $60 a week together, with the same money as well. I buy my own gas, clothes, and food with the money I earn at work, and I spent all of my birthday and Christmas gift money on presents for my friends and family. Any additional purchases, like games, odds and ends, etc. I pay for out of my own pocket. Plus, all of the musical pastimes I partake in are of MY own choice. I joined the orchestras myself, and I began playing violin and viola by my own choice. I sought out my private tutors with no help whatsoever.
All of this, and my mom(I live with her and her alcoholic, useless, loser boyfriend who couldn’t get a job to save his life) tells me daily how irresponsible and lazy I am. If I ask her for $10 to get a little bit more gas in my tank or to buy lunch that day because I won’t get paid for 2 more days, she’ll freak out on me and tell me I’m spoiled and all I ever do is ask her for money. Currently, the only money she spends on me is $15 a month for my Zune membership, and $20 or less on junk food I keep asking her not to buy. If she sees me eating chips at home she tells me I need to eat healthier but if I ASK her to buy me something remotely nutritious she’ll ignore me and come home with a pack of Ramen and some microwave burritos.
I understand she’s a mother working as a mere waitress who needs to pay for her own home. But when she tells me I’m asking too much of her, she’s buying 36 packs of beer and 2 packs of cigarettes every other day(this is no exaggeration), as well as throwing away money on fast food for herself and her boyfriend when I’m at school.
It’s not even this that pisses me off, though. It is the utter lack of appreciation I get from her. This week I’m substituting in the city Symphony orchestra because the personnel manager heard me playing one day and on short notice told the board I would replace one of the violists that can’t make it to the concert before I even knew about it. I’m sitting in a principal position in every orchestra I’m in, and I’ve come so far all on my own. I got a job on my own time with no help. Whenever I mention any new success of mine, she couldn’t give a shit less about it. Just once I’d like to hear a mere “I’m proud of you” from her, but instead she just continues to bitch about everything she thinks I’m doing wrong.

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