Posted 18th May 2010 78

Well I finally thought I was moving on from you FINALLY after 5 or more years of just waiting for you to fall in love with me the way we used to be. I told myself I would NEVER move on from you, no one else would have a place in my heart because no-one could be better than you, it was reserved for you for 5 years this has been, just waiting and waiting and I am tired of you breaking my heart so when someone finally shows an interest in me and seems genuine, I hesitate but figure, what harm can it do? I’m allowed to be happy and frankly 5 years of nothing seems long enough for me to realise you will never feel the same way as me and I was crazy to ever think you would change.

This guy seems to be really sweet and genuine and I FINALLY think maybe I was wrong all along, maybe there was no hope for you and me after all and as hard and sad as it is, I start to stop remembering the good times we shared and the fun we had together and I start to look forward to my new life with this new guy ONLY to then have a dream about you, ****giving me your new address because YOU have moved on and are marrying someone and ‘thought I should know’ and you seem sad when you tell me**** I wake up the next day and you are on my mind, I am sad, I can’t rest, I can’t think straight, I’m so confused, I figure hey it’s only a dream I’m just imagining it….Only the next time I talk to you you say something that really sounds and looks like you made a mistake and you should be with me, you tell me you miss me, you compliment me, we talk more than we ever have in so long, we have so much fun together just like old times.

So now I feel like I don’t deserve anyone yet again because all those feelings that I buried deep down for you have risen to the surface within a DAY. I’m scared to see my new guy again for fear that the thought of you will destroy any hope I had with him and I will end up breaking his heart by ending it because I don’t cheat and I won’t cheat!!

WHY THE HELL DID YOU WAIT ‘TIL NOW TO DO THIS TO ME?!?!?! You can’t just do that, you have to pick the right time, which is when NO-ONE is taken. Not just as soon as I find someone that seems so perfect for me and I am actually moving on!! Even 1 year ago, if you ONCE showed an interest in me, I would have jumped at the chance. But now I am just confused, tired, sad, heart broken and scared to move on yet again, wondering if this is how it will always be. You were the reason my last relationship didn’t last, because I was head over heels for you when I was with him and you kept giving me reasons to love you the way that I did and therefore I couldn’t really love the guy I was with so I had to end it… This is a cruel circle of relationship drama that I really don’t need!!

If you love me, tell me, don’t just keep on giving compliments and flirting the way you do and toying with my emotions if you’re not serious because right now, all I want is a relationship and I want it with him and I don’t want you in the back of my mind destroying that!!

2 Comments Forgive Condemn