Posted 3rd April 2012 1927

Drama in my life. I’m a girl 15 in high school, was at one point dating a girl. (I’m bisexual) then we broke up. She’s been my best friend for about a year. & we use to talk & tell each other everything. Then we dated and shit just fucked it all up. Were both socially awkward faggots at times (I don’t mean that literally). So our relationship was shitty. At least from my perspective. I think half of the reason was because I wasn’t use to a relationship with out compassion & intimacy. Like I don’t mean we scissored or fingered one another or anything but like. We lacked kissing and cuddling and all that kind of stuff. & in a relationship I’m so use to that. So I felt out of my norm. For majority of our relationship we’d bicker about pointless and stupid things. Like we honestly were probably the must immature people you could find in a relationship. We still are, pointless bickering although we’ve broken up our friendship that was once so strong & couldn’t be broken is crashing before mine and her’s feet. I miss not being able to talk to her like I usually did. I miss having a friend to be all dorky, & weird with. Like we did crazy shit together just as friend’s. I find myself talking about Brandi (just gonna be blunt and say her name) with my other best-friend constantly I feel weird cause I feel like I creep. But anyways recently I’ve feel like I’ve been very persistent with her & I going back out. & today I feel like I screwed my chances with her & our friend-ship. Twitter is like a huge thing we both us it. & so I asked her (not on twitter actually in person) if she’d want to maybe take a chance and try dating again or if she’d rather us just be friends. She didn’t answer and being annoyed. I was like or we could just not be friends & not talk. & the entire time I was waiting for a response it was dead silent. So after I was done talking to her and such & we departed. I tweeted saying “Well there goes that friendship.” not realizing the fact she had the tweets sent directly to her phone… I regret that so much. I think the big part of all this is that I miss her company as a friend. I miss being able to talk to her. I don’t think I miss our dating relationship at all. I think it’s overall our friendship. Cause I told that girl everything. She knows more about me than a lot of people. Which is weird. If I could take back what I said, or “indirectly” tweeted I would in a heart beat. I can’t deal with this stress & depression. I miss my friend I want her back in my life.

All me and my best friend do is fight and argue. Although I’ve been ranting about this like crazy. I still feel like I have not gotten my point across. Our arguments our stupid pointless immature and sarcastic bitchy and it’s like no why? Were best-friends treating one another like this. That’s not right. The only time me and Brandi ever seem to talk is online. Like it’s mostly dead silence in with us and when we like converse it’s usually indirectly tweeting to one another then getting pissed enough to start arguing and saying the person name. I look at all this and realize it is immature. I just wish that we had not gone out. I wish I could take it all back because I know that this awkwardness and all this turmoil and confusion and chaos and stress and depression is gonna start to take a toll on me and I know it has on her. I am having urges to smoke and cut. Which isn’t normal. At least not for me anymore. But yeah. If she were ever to read this I’d just want her to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for putting her through all this. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for being a shitty best-friend. & I hope that we can remain friends and work at picking our crushed wall and rebuild it back up to what it was at one point. Like we both said in our letters to one another, if we still care for each other & love one another this much we can put the effort and do this, but I can’t be doing it alone I need you to help. So yea. K Bye :P

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