Stop trying to sell me stuff!

Posted 10th April 2012 38

Okay, I get it. You don’t want to have a “traditional” job. This is apparently how you got suckered into selling overpriced [jewelry, kitchen gadgets, home decor, all natural cleaning products, weight loss items, etc., etc., etc] If you love the products and want to get behind them, bully for you. Go ahead and do it. Do not, however, invite me to your party and then get all pissy with me when I very politely tell you that I’m not interested in attending. Do you know why I’m not interested in attending? Because I used to let my guilt get the better of me and I went to every party that my friends invited me to, mostly because they used guilt-inducing arguments to get me to come; i.e., “PLEASE come to my party. You don’t have to buy anything. I’m just afraid no one else will show up and I’ll feel like an ass.” “PLEASE come to my party. We’re having financial troubles and I’m trying to make money to help pay the bills.”
Now these two invites are somewhat less irritating to me because I understand the circumstances that my friends were in. The following invites are just plain rude and selfish. “PLEASE come to my party. If everyone that I invited shows up, books a party and buys just $30 worth of [insert name of useless crap], I’ll earn $300 in FREE items. Aren’t you happy for me?” “PLEASE come to my party. I really, really, REALLY want to take my six kids to Disneyland and I’ll earn the trip if everyone opens their wallet and buys some [insert name of useless crap].”
Hmmm, did it ever occur to you that telling everyone in attendance that you’re using them to earn products and trips might be a wee bit offensive to said people being used? Did it also ever occur to you that maybe I’d like to take MY kids to Disneyland? Now how in the hell am I ever going to be able to save enough money to do that if every one of my friends is expecting me to lay out money for products that I don’t need in order to bankroll your fantastic trip to Disneyland? A few years ago I got 6 invitations — SIX — in one month for candle parties, all based off of one party that I went to for a friend out of guilt. I now have an 18-gallon Rubbermaid tote full of those candles that I don’t use.
And please don’t tell me that you’re selling this stuff and you need my support as your friend because you’re having financial difficulties and then tell me about the 40″ TV that you just bought or the fantastic trip to Mexico that you’re going on for your 3rd anniversary. Maybe purchases like a 40″ TV and amazing trips are the REASON you’re having financial difficulties. Ever think of that, you financial genius?
Another reason I quit going is because I don’t want to sit and listen to the person “above” you in your little MLM try to pressure me into selling [insert name of useless crap]. Typical conversation:
Crazed MLM Lady: “Don’t you want to be your own boss?”
Me: “Lady, I already am my own boss since I work for myself.”
Crazed MLM Lady: “Well, you can’t POSSIBLY be making as much money as those of us sales gurus selling [insert name of useless crap]!”
Me: “Lady, I can almost guarantee you that I make more money than all the little housewives whom you’ve duped into your “dream scheme.”
I can’t believe those people can stand there and tell me with a straight face that I can make six figures by only working one or two nights a week and one party on the weekend. Really? If it were that freaking easy, don’t you think EVERYONE would be doing it? Have you ever looked at a pyramid? The bottom gets wider and wider and wider. That means the money gets spread thinner and thinner and thinner. But these snake oil salespeople stand up there and tell these ladies who are desperate because they can’t afford to be a mommy and still keep their kids in ballet and soccer and violin and swimming lessons and tutoring classes that they’ll make a comfortable living in only a few hours per week. People, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
So go ahead, buy into the dream, spend your evenings and weekends selling your little hearts out. If, however, the worth of our friendship depends upon whether or not I am willing to buy stuff that I neither want nor need, then we apparently were not truly friends to begin with.