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Striving to conquer my gaming addiction

Burn

Posted 24th July 2011 77

I am addicted to a MMORPG game. It?s all I think about. However, I think more about the girl I met over the MMORPG game than the game itself. I want this obsession and addiction to stop! I am going cold turkey as of today (July 23, 2011). I will promise to myself no more of this MMORPG game.

I have never been truthful with any of my online friends. I am a pathological liar in this game. I do not want to be that person anymore. All I think about is the person I want to be and how else I can lie about this person I am impersonating. I want to be me. I want people to like me for me despite my boring self. I no longer want to make up lies about myself.

I started playing this game 9 years ago. I was addicted to the nature of the game during my freshman year. All I did was play that MMORPG game. I was literally playing on average 16 hours per day, and I would feign sickness just to get out of school to play the game! My family did try to help me, but I was extremely stubborn. I found ways to keep playing the game. I almost failed my high school freshman year because of my uncontrollable addiction of this game. I realized the implications this game had on my life, so I did everything in my power that would refrain me from playing it. I broke every rule in that game, so that my account could be permanently banned. I went cold turkey after that. This action and behaviour was the best thing I could have done at that point to return back to reality and get my life back in track.

I started playing the game intensely again last year. I sought comfort in this game because I was depressed and lonely. I kept on playing because I was addicted and obsessed with one of the online players. She was the only thing that kept me to playing it even though she does not share the same feelings for me as I do for her. I am love struck in an unhealthy manner about this girl. I kept stalking her status every minute and lost control of myself again. My world revolved around this girl.

I am experiencing another downfall! At my junior level in university, I let myself go! My marks were dropping. In addition to that, I used to be an honour student and now, I am below the average joe so to speak. I had lost the motivation to move forward with my real life. All I can think about is this character I have created online and I have impersonated; as well as that girl. I lost touch with reality.

It?s over a year now, and I am realizing the consequences of my addiction and obsession relating this game once again! I will pursue this same path as I did during my teen years. I do not want this game to affect me anymore. I want to control my life. This time, I WILL erase this game from my memory because I lose myself when I interact with this game! It will be difficult in straying away from it as I have committed to this game at a very young age.

I have wasted about 10,000 hours on this game! Since last year, I have played about 2,500 hours on it! This game will not help me in any way to advance my real life. I am finding new hobbies and interests to pursue in a healthy manner. It will be hard; especially I lack motivation and the only emotion I feel is depression.

FYI: I am good at concealing my online identity from reality. I appear to be ?normal? in real life as I do have friends (more so of acquaintances), a career, intimate relationships and so on despite the fact my poor performance in school?it could be explained by the deaths of close relatives. No one but my immediate family is aware of my past regarding this game.

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