Posted 29th December 2009 67

There is this thing called fun and games that often involves little jokes and pretend-insults, referencing a touch of reality but not necessarily representing reality. This is also called ‘humor’. When I say, “He is upstairs anti-socializing”, I don’t mean, “That weirdo is so god-damn anti-social and that ain’t right, and SHIT sister your boyfriend is a fucking loser”. I mean, “He is upstairs. He’s not downstairs. No one else is upstairs. And we’re all downstairs. Therefore, as we all know, he’s not being social”. When I roll my eyes and say “Here we go”, I don’t mean, “You’re an idiot”, I mean, “You’re funny”. For example, You: “Let’s pick this movie” Me: “That one looks sad” You: “How about this one?” Me: “That one looks violent. How about this one?” You: “That looks like a typical Hollywood American half-brained Christmas love-story”. Me: “Here we go”

When you say, “Oh that’s nice” when I put a bit of makeup on, that reassures me that makeup isn’t entirely ridiculous looking. When you say, “Now you don’t look so tired and half-sloshed. You had bags under your eyes and looked dead”, that is insulting and rude. Nowhere do you cross any line indicating that it might be a joke or that you might be poking fun. If you said it smiling, or if you said it in a different context, then maybe. But you were actually serious. You are actually telling me I have bags under my eyes and my skin is yellowy. And here is the insulting part - I’m only dressing up because you invited my partner’s parents over for a Christmas dinner because you wanted to get to know them. Because this means something to you, everyone getting out of their sweatpants and is making themselves look nice for this. I don’t wear makeup, and you don’t need to tell me I look like a bag of shit when I don’t.

This didn’t actually bother me until you said “You’re insulting and rude and have made your sister cry twice since you’ve been here and we’re all walking on egg-shells around you”. So far, I’ve said things like “Here we go” and “He’s anti-socializing” and “You did a really good job cleaning the bathroom two days ago, I don’t think it needs to be cleaned again because my boyfriend’s parents are coming over”. So far you’ve reminded me about five times today that I’m insulting and rude at different points in different conversations that weren’t related to the things I said earlier or the things today; so far you’ve told me that I’m a bitch and make people cry and nervous, that I have bags under my eyes and look like I’m dead and decomposing, and that the tea stain that has surfaced on one of my bottom teeth over the past month, that is getting scraped off by the dentist tomorrow, looks like it’s rotting on the inside, that I act like my father who you divorced twenty years ago and have told me nearly every day when I was living with you how much you hate him.

This is the last fucking time I come home for Christmas.

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