Posted 18th April 2015 38

OkAY. It is 2 in the morning right now and I have so much fucking pent up anger in me it’s unreal. I needed a place to just let what’s been bothering me for the last few months out.
So.
I started working at this job 8 months ago.
It’s great.
It’s awesome.
I like my coworkers. Sure.
There’s one that I’ve grown particularly close to. In fact, we’ve actually recently become roommates and I’ve shared with him intimate secrets that I haven’t even told my friends of 5 years who I see multiple times a week. I’ve come to think of him as… Well not quite an older brother, but someone very close to me. He’s very protective of me and treats me with more care and affection than I’ve ever recieved from a man before (without the incentive of sex).
I have grown very deep feelings for him.
I realize it’s unethical to develop feelings for your roommate.
But sometimes these things happen.
And I knew from the moment I saw him it would eventually happen.
The thing is the two of us are very similar for LOTS of reasons. The main one being our views on relationships.
From the moment I met him he’s told me that he’s against dating and has been for a looooong while.
He sleeps around, I sleep around.
That’s just who we are.
Judge us if you want but neither of us were ever comfortable with the idea of commitment.
*WERE*
Two months ago- on the flip of a dime- he suddenly decides he’s head over heels for our coworker and out of the fucking blue asks her out and becomes “Mr. Relationship”.
And the thing is he is a really fucking cool guy. Really good looking, very talented, very ambitious, very kind.
She- on the other hand- is as basic as they get. There is literally nothing special or unique about her. She isn’t very attractive, she isn’t at all interesting, she doesn’t stand out in a crowd. Oh, and she’s 7 years younger than my roommate. AND A BASIC WHITE GIRL.
And now he’s claiming to be falling for her.
Now I may just be jealous and bitter- and I’m willing to admit that I am- but what the FUCK.
I realize nothing can happen between him and I EVER… But what the F U C K. OF ALL THE FUCKING GIRLS IN THE WORLD.
The best part is he admits he knows he can do better.
And what makes me even more OH SO VERY HAPPY (<– sarcasm) is that he’s admitted he’s more attracted to me before.
He told me that the first time he saw me come into work for my interview he rushed back to tell the boss jokingly to “hire this one” because he found me attractive.
He has hinted soooo many times that he is incredibly attracted to me both physically and emotionally and of course I’ve half admitted to feeling the same way towards him. Hell we even flirt more than him and his girlfriend do.
Not only that, but we have waaaaay more in common than the two of them do, we spend HOURS just talking to each other until 4 in the morning most nights, and we actually go out and do stuff unlike he and this “love of his life” do. (the most they ever do is go out to eat and then come home and fuck while Netflix plays in the background.)
And now she’s over at least 5 nights a fucking week.
And some days she’s all he talks about and he’ll affectionately refer to her as his girlfriend and act like being a boyfriend is all he ever wanted and that this relationship is the best thing on the fucking planet and blah blah fucking blah.
But then other days he says things like “well how often do I have a girl sleep in my bed?” or “I’m just waiting to see what causes this relationship to end” or “I can’t do long term relationships and commitment”.
I DONT FUCKING GET YOU YOU ARE SO BACK AND FUCKING FORTH WITH YOUR VIEWPOINTS AND YOUR FEELINGS WHY ARE YOU WITH SOMEONE WHEN YOU SAID YOU DONT DO RELATIONSHIPS WHY ARE YOU WITH HER WHEN YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO BETTER WHY DO YOU ACT LIKE YOURE MORE INTERESTED IN ME BUT GO TO BED WITH HER EVERY FUCKING NIGHT THIS IS SO FUCKING DUMB I HATE THAT YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER EVERYONE AT WORK THINKS ITS AWKWARD THAT YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER I CANT FUCKING HANDLE THAT YOURE DATING HER FOR FUCKS SAKE DATE SOMEONE- ANYONE- ELSE. YOU SAID YOU WERE JUST LIKE ME YOU SAID YOU WOULDNT DATE ANYONE WHAT MAKES HER SPECIAL ENOUGH TO BE AN EXCEPTION TO YOUR BELIEFS FUUUUUUCK.
They’re in bed together right now on the other side of the wall and its fucking killing me knowing that they may never break up and I’m going to be stuck being “just his roommate” for God knows how long. This is the dumbest rant ever but I needed to get this out because feelings fucking suck and I hate this shit and I wish that I didn’t secretly want a committed relationship and I wish I didn’t secretly want a committed relationship with him.
End of rant that makes me sound like a moody teen (when in reality I’m a moody twenty something.)

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