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Terrified of work, terrified of poverty, terrified of love

Posted 3rd September 2013 822

I’m dreadfully terrified of attempting to hold a job. Even though I have straight-A marks and can clearly qualify for most any kind of career path, I just crumble under sustained time spent in self-supporting drudgery once my depression flares up. I’ve fouled up one career attempt in nuclear engineering mostly because I became chronically depressed with the schoolwork and ceased to make regular efforts, though this was exacerbated by things like death in the family and a police raid on my apartment to the point where I can play off my own role in allowing myself to fail at school.

I fear I am destined to live near the poverty line in menial positions as I can get them all the rest of my life, and this has instilled a phobia about homelessness into me that has driven me towards a lucrative but especially disinteresting career path that I will be spending two years towards finishing up schooling for. On top of this, my obsessive drive to own a home is at odds with the fact that the girl I want to be with lives hundreds of miles away in the part of the country that is known for its unreasonably high home prices and middling wages. I am a timid and near-broken joke of a man.

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