Posted 18th June 2013 4050

It’s true, my day didn’t start off perfect, but it was quite palpably shitty emotion-wise after chatting with you this morning.
I merely ask how you are. YOU say you need help. Like a fool I ask you what you need help with. YOU say you need help with your personal life and bring up the fact that you’re still reeling from your latest relationship terminating, and that it might have done more damage than you thought. Fine. It happens.
You tell me about reaching out to your ex to ‘bury the hatchet’. You tell me about wanting to explain to him why you cut him off, so he doesn’t assume it was hormonal hysterics. You tell me about your attempts to meet and how those didn’t go as planned and you didn’t discuss what you wanted and how you feel even shittier since it just seems to be a repeat of what went wrong during the relationship. You mention setting a time for a talk with the guy, and then A FIFTEEN MINUTE FUCKING PREAMBLE ABOUT NOTHING before you even get to the gist of what you’re supposed to be talking about, and then being extremely disappointed with HIM when he informs you after fifteen minutes of fluff that he has to go because of prior plans. This being the third attempt at a chat, prefixed with ‘we should talk’. To an ex.

All this time I interject with words like ‘okay’ and ‘right’ and ‘I see’ and nothing more, because I’m letting you vent.

Because at the start you mentioned NEEDING HELP, I, like a damn fool, then make the mistake of asking questions about what you’ve told me. I ask what you wanted to be the outcome, so you could define more clearly what it is you wanted out of the conversation, because let’s face it, I’m sure you didn’t negotiate so hard to arrange some talk time for the two of you for a FIFTEEN MINUTE PREAMBLE to nothing.

You tell me how upset you are and in disbelief about how he didn’t even offer to negotiate a little ten minutes to stay on the phone longer with you…. although he did offer to call you back the next night, but you couldn’t deal with the possibility of ‘being pushed aside again’ so YOU declined. You said that you wanted him to be aware of how much he hurt you. You admit that it wasn’t intentional, but that that doesn’t matter, because of the resulting impact.

Emo, much?

I ask whether you were hurt and wanting payback, because it seems to me to be really strange to be all gung-ho about talking and then when the guy offers to call back, backing out like a wimp pussy in a if-you-have-no-time-for-me-I-have-no-time-for-you way. You deny it. You say that you just wanted him to understand how his actions or lack thereof could ‘hurt people around him’ and how ‘his focus on work and career could in the end leave him alone’.

Huh?

I tell you that seems like a rather big lesson that can’t be learned overnight. I tell you you’re not his teacher and it’s not your role. I tell you you need to define what your role is, what you want the outcome to be and then go from there, otherwise you’re just wasting effort and energy and getting frustrated in the process.

You tell me that you’re annoyed. At me. For all the shit I’m telling you.

What was that about hormonal hysterics again?

Then you say, as the jilted girl, you were trying to let the guy who hurt you know why he hurt you and that I’M TELLING YOU that that’s not your role.

Huh?

I make the ultimate mistake of pasting your own words back to you, saying that that was what you said, and calling you out on it.

Now your UBER-pissed at me for ‘throwing [your] words in your face’, when all you wanted was to ‘recount a shitty tale’ to me, that you are not in the mood to do that much internal delving, that you’re tired, and that you don’t want to do this anymore.

Basically, full-on, fuck-off 30-something tantrum over Internet Messenger. I’m mostly pissed that I didn’t cut you off after fifteen minutes.

Ummm…. Did you start off by asking for help? Or did you just want a soapbox to stand on? Email would’ve been more considerate in that event, if you didn’t want my input; I would’ve read it when I cared to and not had the rest of MY day coloured by your inability to act grown.

You sign off with ‘I’m done”, because of course, now I’m the bad person making you actually confront your actions. Tell me, how’s that emotional-reaction-before-logical-action approach been working for you so far? If you want to wallow, be my guest. Don’t ask me to pay for a ticket to watch your self-pity-fest though. I ain’t buying.

3 Comments Forgive Condemn