Posted 26th May 2016 213

Lucky are those who die at birth, they do not go through any suffering in life and get a free pass to heaven for eternity. For the rest of us earth dwellers, this life is no more than a challenge every day, something that we cannot escape nor can turn it in to rainbows and sunshine forever.

My life is no different, although I must say more twisted than that of an average person. I have baby on the way and have to deal with a job that is although paying me good but are never satisfied with my performance. even if i work 25 hours a day (although it wont be possible) they will still have some issues with me.

My social life is I guess the cherry on top; once upon a time I used to have many friends and used to be quite famous, and then I met this friend on mine who was from a different circle of friends. He was not able to get along with my friends and vice-versa so I decided to cut off my friend circle to spend more time with him. I used to do everything for him, get him good, care for him when he used to be sick, drive him along, spend money on him, stand by his side through thick and thin. In a very twisted way I started depending upon him more and more, I stopped having fun with anyone else except for him. He became my life and in a twisted way I start loving him more than a friend. He used to ask me to give him back massages that would go all the way down to his ass, only touching is dick was forbidden but he was completely ’straight’. I never told him I had feelings for him though. He failed courses in MBA, I repeated those courses with him and in turn extended my MBA so that he would not have to do thesis alone (how stupid right?). The irony is that one year later when we were giving our final thesis presentations, I was the one doing the entire thing alone and he had found a group to do it with. It made me feel so stupid.
Wehenever I used to ask for a favor from him, he always had an excuse sometimes as stupid as that I cannot go out of the way for people, then I used to say whatt about me? I do so much for you, can you please help me this time? He used to say it is in your nature, but I cant.

After few years I was not the only person enough for him, he required more company, started treating me the same like all his other friends and then eventually worse than a dog. I kept thinking he will change, he will realize how he is treating me but nope that never happened, i kept getting humiliated. Then came a day he kicked me out of the house and even for an asshole like me, with no self respect, it was time to put an end to it. He was the only company I had for so many years and all of a sudden I felt so alone. He had his group of friends but I was unable to reconnect with me.


I was not able to get over how he treated me or worse how did i allow him to treat me like that. I had a complete mental breakdown, I tried killing myself but survived. My wife thought it was time for me to see a psychiatrist. He put me on 2 strong anti-depressants, 2 anti psychotics, and 1 anti anxiety medication.

During this time i found comfort in grindr and started having one-night stands

The cocktail of medications eventually caused me gain weight and become fat & ugly.

I have been off those medications since last 6 months and am trying my best to get the weight under control. I am too afraid of making friends now, since I am bisexual, i feel I’ll start having feeling eventually for the guy I befriend and then would have expectations from him.

Having a wife, I have done some very horrible stuff due to my impulsive nature. She knows I am bi and sort of knows that I had emotional feelings for this friend of mine but does not know about the one night stands.

I just want to end my life but then think about what fate would be waiting for me on the other side and about my family and coming baby who are completely depended upon me financially and emotionally.

I feel like running away from everything, may be wake up one day with a new life and not so twisted mind.

You might think it is a post by some teenager but I am a 25 year old grown man but still such stupid non-sense things still affect me.

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