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Thoughts

Posted 26th December 2015 3230

I keep having suicidal thoughts, but I don’t to tell anyone, because I’m afraid that they’ll think I’m making it up/pitying myself, but I’m not. I don’t really WANT to kill myself, but I keep having these unwanted thoughts. I’m on Skype with my best friend and I told her I am feeling like crap, but I would appreciate an ‘Are you okay?’ just so I could say “No”, and I could explain it easily. I don’t know why I keep having these thoughts; I’m afraid I’m depressed.

I’ve told(ish) my family that I wanted to go to a psychologist/psychiatrist for my anxiety, but I’m also afraid that I don’t actually HAVE it, and that it’s just my brain tricking me.

I’m anxious that I’m insane, and that the way I think isn’t “normal”, but I wouldn’t know because this is the way I normally think.

I constantly feel worthless, but I usually attempt to brush it off. I don’t want to feel like this, and I’m now always anxious, but I’m scared that my brain (me) is always just making it more dramatic.

I want to tell someone, but, once again, I’m afraid no one will understand that I’m not ‘playing this up’. My mother has already told me that my anxiety is ‘just a phase’, but I’m convinced that it’s not. I’m scared to tell my dad because God knows what he’ll think; maybe the same as my mom.

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