Posted 3rd October 2012 1516

It’s late. I’m tired. I’ve been to practice from 7 this evening to nearly half past 9. I had a long work day BEFORE practice. I skipped my after-work volunteering because I was so tired AND still couldn’t get a ride home after work until nearly an hour after I was supposed to leave the office. I get in, manage to put some laundry in the dryer, have something to drink and then get ready to go for when my ride shows up to take me to practice. I text you that I’m going, that I don’t expect to be back too late and that I’ll text when I’m on my way back home.

It’s a choir practice. In a church. We switch our phones on silent when we’re in church, out of respect for the space we’re in. You send me a text while my phone is on silent and I’m in practice in the church. You tell me to ‘Check by the shop on my way up to see if [you’re] still here.’ You send this 6 minutes before my practice starts, judging from the message details, but I don’t see it until after practice, over two hours later. Maybe text messages get delayed sometimes.

I see your text when I reach for my phone to text you like I said I would, as I’m on my way back from practice. I send a text to say that I’m on my way back up, and wondering if you’re still there, as I’ve just seen your text from over two hours earlier. I sit in the ride, half watching the phone to see if I get a reply, and half keeping an eye out as we whiz past the shop, to see if I catch a glimpse of your car. I have no idea what to do if I do glimpse your car, as I imagine you are probably down the shop keeping my cousin company at this hour if you’re still there, or seeing as the message was from over two hours ago, you could no longer be there. It’s nearly twenty to ten at night by now.

I don’t get a response. I get my ride all the way to the top of the hill. I did see a car, but we were driving too fast for me to see the number and be sure it was yours, although it looked like yours. At that hour of the night, I am not going to inconvenience a whole car of people to ask them to stop on the chance that maybe YOU might be chatting with my cousin down the shop based on a text from over two hours ago. I am also not in the mood to join any such chat at this hour, because I am tired, it’s been a long day, and I want to get my laundry and go to bed.

I get my laundry, I get in the house. I change out of my clothes and into my pyjamas. I brush my teeth. I use the toilet. In the time it takes to do that and EXACTLY that, you send me two text messages, and I have two missed calls from you. My phone is still on silent. The text messages are sent at 21:01 and 21:03. They were NOT THERE when I sent you a message to say I was on my way home at 21:29. I have no idea when they WERE sent. I pick up the phone to call you, and then noticed that you’re home, just arrived. You’re pissed off at me and upset that you’ve been waiting ages at the shop for me.

I try to explain, but of course, you’re too angry AT THE WHOLE FRICKING WORLD TO LISTEN. So I shut up. Then when you pause, I say sorry, even though I am not. I’m not sorry, just tired, and saying ’sorry’ is my way of drawing a line under this, so I can turn out the lights and say my prayers and go to bed. If it makes you feel better, all the better. The main thing is that I get some sleep though, and ’sorry’ will shut you up. So ’sorry’ it is.

Because chances are you aren’t mad at me anyway. Chances are you were just trying to find ways to occupy yourself instead of coming home and spending time in an empty house. Chances are that you lost track of the time while chatting to your son, and waiting for me at that hour was a ‘might as well’ thing rather than something you planned on doing, especially because I usually find my own way to practice and back without your help. Chances are that I was damned if I did stop, and get stranded at the shop if you happened to have gone already (because you’ve left me before, and that was the last time I asked you for a ride to church). Chances are that I was damned if I didn’t stop because of what eventually happened. So seeing as I’m damned whatever I do, and given that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my plan before you decided to shake things up for whatever unknown reason, I’m disinclined to pay you any attention for the next eight hours and will make absolutely certain to get a good night’s sleep and forget your pathetic little diva episode of tonight.

And the next time I go to practice, I will send a text in no uncertain terms declaring that I can find my own way home and you are not to wait for me under any circumstances.

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