To someone i used to know

Posted 24th November 2016 47

Folding. Tucking. Tying. I made a fort for me to sleep in. The sheets i\\placed in between my pillows were newly taken out of the laundry. I was about to lay my head next to Yossarian, when Bohemian Rhapsody started to echo in my room from the speakers that played across the road. I couldn’t put myself together - every feeling came rushing too suddenly. You drowned my mind in the messages you used to send me, as I realized my sheets weren’t as dry as they used to be anymore.

Some days, it hits me harder than before, like tonight.
It brought me back to the way you touched my unibrow. The butterflies in my stomach slowly fluttered to my lungs, making it hard for me to breathe bc i know that no matter how much i want to bring that memory back, it will never happen again.

I asked myself, where did i mess up that ended what we could have had? I noticed that the heart you sent next to the sparkles every time you told me “nighty night” became infrequent. I knew from that moment, we will never be same.

Yeah, it ached, but the promises you broke were the ones that turned me into a total wreck. It gave me something to hope on, but not to hold on to. I was torn between what was real and what wasn’t. Maybe we were something, maybe we weren’t - all i know was that you made me care less about 11:11’s bc you’re the only wish i will never have.

Something about you reminded me of the smell of pancakes in the morning, the soft drizzle that falls upon my skin, and the murmurs of creatures in the dead of night. If only you knew you nobody else has ever made me feel this way, maybe i could’ve changed everything upside down - the way it should’ve been. I don’t want this feeling to go to waste, but what can i say? A pee knot doesn’t have a match with a queen when the odds are in her favor. I’d choose you in every parallel universe I’d step into, but i cant
bc
u already
chose
someone else.

It’s too late for me to do anything, anyway. It’s not okay, but it will be :) I’ve been waiting for the day I could use the wish you made - “I wish that you’ll be happy, always,” but i guess nothing between us was real, bc this wish isn’t working on me.

Folding. Tucking. Tying. I wish what we had was tied as tight as my fort.
You are, always have been, and always will be, the best thing i never had.

\

imy