Posted 8th June 2017 512

Lettuce

Rants not to post

My relationship with my parents has become strained since I’ve been put onto two club teams for lacrosse. I know this sounds crazy, but it really but the cherry on top of this sundae. ive always tried to do good at lacrosse, especially since it’s my only sport and sports are important at my school, and I tried to make varsity freshman year but didn’t. Sophomore year I’m trying again, and my parents have sacrificed a lot to provide for me–I appreciate it, but the worry of coming home to an unpleasant household when I don’t play good gets in my head too much. It’s affecting me on the field. And therefore I come home to an unpleasant household. I can’t have normal conversations with them anymore without this topic coming up. I used to be really good but all the stress and my mother especially always being right in every situation has really downgraded my performance–it gets into my head. I get yelled at when I don’t do something right and never hear when I actually do do something right. She says it’s out of love and she just doesn’t want people looking down on me if I play bad and I understand, but I just wish her communication skills could change. I’ve complained about it to her before but she gets defensive and never listens–she says she won’t say anything that I do wrong anymore and leave me be and not even look at the games and practices or she stays the same, telling me what I do wrong in the same manner. I could take the criticism if it was in normal manner in which she tells me what I do wrong when I do it, and then let’s me fix it next time before continuously talking about it the whole night and pressuring me telling me I need to do better if I want to make the team. It’s really frustrating and when I ask her to she says I don’t listen the normal way–but she has NEVER TRIED THE NORMAL WAY! It’s driving me insane and it’s making me hate lacrosse sometimes! I love this sport, but I just wish I could put back the fire and passion I had back into it. I wish it was so so so super fun again, and I’m trying to get there again, but it’s hard. High school freshman season was the best and funnest season I had. She has let up on the pressure a little but it’s still there. I just wish things were different. She says she doesn’t care if I make it or not, and that hurts the way she says it, but I know she does. I can just feel the disappointment in the air and it really brings me down to the point that I think I’m a failure and a disappointment. Ugh.

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