Posted 13th December 2008 2126

I’m sure that feeling “unloved” starts with me if I don’t love myself enough who ever will…..but I feel very unloved at the moment.

For most of my life I have been rejected for one thing or another. My spirituality has caused me enough rejection, isolation, and alienation that it is difficult for me to be in relationships, let alone start one.

I was teased as a kid in 3rd grade up into college for being an uglier and dumber version of my beautiful twin sister. Then I started to grow into my unusal looks and inner beauty which has turned out to be quite uniquely beautiful. Now the rejection, isolation, and alienation comes from people not knowing how to handle my inner and outer beauty.

People assume I have everything i could ever want. Most women don’t want me as a friend because I’m seen as a threat, and most guys steer shy of me, assuming I am taken or how could I possibly be interested. Hello! I am f$%#ing human! I need love just like everyone else. I don’t bite! I am tired of being alone and fighting to connect to others in the world.

I am 34 years old and watch everyone else around me in happy, nurturing, and functioning relationships and I can’t even get a guy to commit to going on a god damn first date. Then I’ll intermittently get the opposite of someone who definitely is not relationship material that latches on to me expecting me to fulfill all of their unmet desires and needs as a child.

I am not foreign to self help books and reparenting the inner neglected child. I done a lot of work on myself to prepare myself for a long term relationship. And to this day, what do I still get? The same old sh#%!

If anyone out there can relate, would you commiserate with me for just a while so I know what it feels like to connect in the world for a bit?

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