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Unsatisfied

Posted 20th August 2011 40

I’m feeling ugh right now.
Last year of high school and I’m already TIRED and SICK of it. There are really assholes in my school.. I was fine during summer and after a week of school, I’m worn out already. I’m really sensitive and hearing about someone talking stuff behind my back just ruins everything! I’ve grown to be really sensitive of what people say because.. of my looks. Yes, I am overweight. Yes, I am not good looking. Yes, I am short. Yes, I am Asian. Yes, I am weird. I never get the nice treatment from guys. What am I supposed to do? I want to be thin and have a nice body. I want to have a flawless face with jaw-dropping eyes. I want long locks of hair blowing restlessly in the wind. I want to be tall. I want a personality that charms others. I can’t have that. All my life, all my 17 years of living, I haven’t had a guy tell me that he likes me. I’ve never dated and I’ve never kissed any guy. I’m so desperate, right? You don’t understand.. I just want to experience how it feels to be loved by a guy. Holds my hands and goes on dates with me. I’ve never been loved before. No new guys like to talk to me.. Am I that frightening? Should I change for you guys? Do I need plastic surgery? Legs extension? Double eyelids? Rhinoplasty? Liposunction? How about changing everything? Why am I always the one being picked on? Elementary school: I was bullied by the popular people.. even the guy who I fell in love with and was flirting with me, turned his back on me the next day. Middle school: I was known as the weird and ugly kid. I did not have any guy friends. Now high school: I’m picked on. Today I just got pushed off to the floor and that guy said “Fuck you” to me. People laugh at me when my name is mentioned because apparently, I’m known as the “wtf she’s hecka weird and ugly” girl. I like my best friend on and off. Obviously, to him we’re friends, and we have no chance. I try so freaking hard to please him, but I guess we’re not meant to be. I am miserable. I’m not even smart. I’m dumb as heck. What the heck is 24 ACT score? I’m so dumb. How am I going to medical school? How can I even think of going to medical school? The fuck. I don’t like this life. I am unsatisfied at who I am. Bring me a new life. Let’s change my name. Change my identity. Change everything. Let’s move to the East. Overseas? Just get me out of here.

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