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I was wrong to believe, as I did for a while, that desire is something that we have to resist in our lives. It is only an obstacle if you are too afraid to sate it.
Indeed, the fear IS the obstacle. It’s the stone that I am forever carrying and it gets heavier every day. It saps the joy out of every task and it makes every friend seem like an enemy. I have become paranoid, insular and afraid. I have dug a hole to hide in that is so deep that I can barely see the goddamn light anymore.
You know, when I got back into Australia I’d come with the fresh upbeat mindset that I had when I left for Romania in the first place two years ago. I thought I’d be welcomed with open arms… but as usual, I was wrong — I am treated the way I treat others — no one cared that I was back. No one even knew. I thought people would be lining up to shake my hand and talk to me, asking me to share my experiences even though most of the time I’d rather not repeat them. To seek me out and comfort me in my hours of grief. Telepathically, hah.
No, the world does not work that way. In the end, I got exactly what I asked for. I got exactly what I gave. I got nothing. And I got no one.
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Posted by Anonymous 6th May 2011
wiredjust to read this again
comp chokes
diagnose connection problems