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Well he was the one that started to talk to me, and whenever someone talks to me I get excited. Then he was saying oh ?how are you? and stuff are like ?I missed you by the way?, and well that made me think about my past feelings for him. He then started hinting maybe he wanted to do stuff with me and so well I reacted…probably for the worst since he only just broke up with his girlfriend (like only a couple hours before hand).
And then on his msn he is acting sad and says he misses her and I?m thinking you just said you missed me and wanted me to want you… WTF
He is so moody, he hates his girlfriend, then he loves her, then he dumps her and then flirts the (fuck) out of me, seriously……why
Why do I get sucked in by him? I like him, then I despise him, then I love him???
I get over him and then I get sucked back in by him and then I regret my actions or words should I say and then I am repulsed. All i want is to be loved for just being me and find a smart, nice guy that has goals that wants a future. Is that so hard?
It has never really been looks with him, actually I think thats why we never got together in the first place, he was never perfect enough, all I saw was his flaws. But as soon as you can?t have something you want it and I regretted not doing anything about our possible relationship straight away. Well then he and I become good friends and I saw things in him that I came to love: his eyes, his lips, his humour, his intelligence, his good nature. Then other times I saw things, not directed at me but still: his anger, his short temper, his vulgarity, his narcissism and how shallow he can be.
After the storm has passed I sit and think ?how could I ever feel that way about him, AGAIN!? . I don?t know why, but it?s him. Maybe it?s the attachment I have grown for him. He was my first kiss after all.
Ah well, I will do what I normally do, I will laugh it off pretend it was a joke and ignore anything and pretend that it never happened. I do not want to be the rebound girl, I want to be the one that is chased and wanted, not discarded after one night.
Why do I always end up in the same place?
*yes i know some of it makes no sense
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