Posted 16th March 2012 1625

Kitten,

I realize this is a tough month for you: one-year work anniversary (at a job that you love but which has long hours and below-minimum-wage pay) and the subsequent renegotiation of your contract, the impending divorce and your birthday. So I don’t really want to add to your drama. But why is it that I have to beg, plead, cajole and practically steal from you loving and caring remarks and gestures? How long does it take to say “I love you” or “I’m thinking of you” or “I miss you” in a text message? Something more than a “thank you”? If I take time to stop at a store and buy a card, sign it and drop it off at your apartment, when you’re not there, why can’t you throw me a romantic bone? Saying “thank you” IS appreciated, but please stop talking to me like I’m an acquaintance. I’m not; I’m your boyfriend and your lover…AND your friend.

It hurts so much to be with you sometimes. I think you have no idea.

I know you’re struggling with “us.” I’m married, you know my wife and have been in our home. But you were the one who pursued me. You were the one who thought through this so completely and still moved ahead. (Yes, I didn’t reject you so I’m not casting blame.) Why can’t you either love me back or just end it?

I love you and care for you more than you know. And yet most of the time I feel that I don’t even register with you. I’m just the latest (well, hopefully there’s no one else) in a series of men. But unlike ALL the others, I love you and don’t see you simply as a piece of meat.

You have meaning to me, and I have time and again told you and demonstrated to you that you are of great value to me. But yet I sometimes don’t warrant the time of day.

Maybe you really don’t know what to do with a nice guy. I’d like to think I can help you see that “nice guys finish first,” and be someone you can fall in love with. But as the weeks have progressed, you’ve withdrawn. I keep putting myself out there — my heart — and you retreat.

It hurts so much.

I just wish you’d make up your mind: are you going to give us the chance we both want or are you going to end my misery and let me go?

If I thought I could do it, I’d end this myself. But I have such great hopes and expectations for us. And I want to do all I reasonably can to see a future for us together.

I love you, Kitten. I probably always will.

I just wish you’d love me back.

Foxy

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