Posted 20th July 2014 28

Since leaving an abusive relationship less than three months ago there have been a great many invasive questions, the most popularly asked being inquires about me not leaving. Usually when faced with this question, that has sincerely become the bane of my existence, I respond dismissively by saying that I don’t know because I would prefer to take a U-turn the Hell out of the direction the conversation has gone in. I think that I’m not alone in this and others have made similar statements when in my position and asked why they didn’t leave. Why do I, and possibly others, don’t want to answer this question? Well, for me, I want to start by thanking the asker for flushing all my weekly counseling down the toilet because I cannot help but feel as if I am indirectly, and ever so politely, being told that I either wanted my relationship the way it was or I was deserving of how my relationship turned out because I did not leave accordingly to the criterion created by those who have not themselves been in a relationship that’s abusive in nature. I can assure anyone, and I am certain that my teachers will confirm, that I did not go around saying that I want to become a victim of abuse when I grow up when asked. Oh, and I most certainly did leave because if I hadn’t, I would not have to deal with the bullshit of being asked the same questions over and over. Some people should really take into consideration what they are asking and revise accordingly. On top of all that, I do actually remember a number of the reasons why I never left or followed through with leaving and am compiling a list to remind myself of the person I was during the relationship, and still kind of am now, so that I can remember that I never want to become that person ever again. Unfortunately, the whole list of reasons will do little to clarify to those who have not experienced an abusive relationship for themselves: Logic does not run parallel to reality in these situations. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that all of my reasons pretty much suck so much they should be awarded for it, but when a person has been entirely reprogrammed by the one that they love to hate themselves, logic loses its place because the reality is too much for logic to work with. The reasons I have were good enough for me at the time and even now, despite knowing how foolish I was. This is not a “put yourself in their shoes” situation.

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